Sex of One, Half Dozen of Another

Ficlet for the challenge word ‘libidinous’

Author: Gallagater

E-mail: 7j4him@prodigy.net

Season: 4

Pairs: Yeah, a couple of honkin’ big ones

Warning: innuendoes abound

Summary: They came. He saw. They conquered.

Author’s Notes: I apologize ahead of time for this one gang. Hail Dorothy threw down the challenge and my warped muse responded thus. The drabble blossomed into a ficlet before I could prune it back. Hope you enjoy it Linda.

Archivist Notes: Warning, do not drink or eat while reading this fic! Serious spewing may occur. Also be warned of damage to sides from laughing!

Daniel’s eyes widened as Jack melted limply into the chair across from him in the dining hall. "Jack, you look awful. What happened?" He eyed Jack’s haggard features with concern.

Raising a trembling hand, Jack snagged the glass of water on Daniel’s tray. "Nightmare," he managed as he brought the glass to meet his pale lips.

Daniel watched as a shudder coursed through his friend’s lean frame. "Do you want to talk about it? It might help." He was more than a little surprised as Jack spoke.

"I was standing between Anise and Hathor, trapped between libidinous book ends. It was like a convention for Hookers R Us. It was so confusing. I couldn’t think straight."

Daniel realized it was a measure of Jack’s distress that he was sharing, particularly something so obviously emotionally laden. It wasn’t like him. Yet he couldn’t stop himself from adding, "Wow, stuck between to beautiful, sexy women. I can see how that would be terrifying."

Burying his face in his palms, Jack ignored his friend’s smirk, obviously reliving the horror in detail, "The perfume - oh god - it was a combination of O de Lust and Chanel # 69. They dragged me into one of those little stores that sells all that gold lame’ crap."

Waggling a knowing eyebrow Daniel asked, "You mean Kinkos? Isn’t that the place where you bought . . .?"

Jack interrupted with a harsh snap. "Never mind. We were talking about my dream."

"Were we?" Daniel smirked again.

"Dammit, Daniel. I’m trying to tell you it was awful. They tied me to a chair . . . " He suddenly realized his voice had risen and he and Daniel were drawing some unwanted attention and at least one lewd stare. Lowering his voice he leaned forward and whispered confidentially, "and made me watch while they tried on everything in the store." The haunted man stared unseeingly into Daniel’s sympathetic eyes, "I was dressed in this freakin' Napoleonic outfit, with ruffles, for cryin' out loud. Ruffles. Geesh. I remember thinking, ‘It was the breast of times, it was the worst of times.’"

"Ah," Daniel nodded as comprehension flooded his face. "It was a Tale of Two Titties."

*fin*