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Under Friendly Fire
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Summary: The members of SG1 find themselves in a situation that results in dire consequences. They've survived the ordeal, now all they have to do is survive the fallout.
Author's Notes: Please be aware that this story is rated 18+ and contains rape/non-consensual scenes, which are not described in detail, although the violence surrounding the act is.
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Chapter 1
The first thing she realized when she woke up was the cold - intense, bone chilling cold. She opened her eyes and realized that she was standing, which caused her to stop to take inventory of the situation. As she became more aware of her surroundings, she noticed several things almost at once - she was standing by a wall, being held up with chains around her wrists, which were held above her head. She was in a room that held only a small wooden chair that was situated in the middle of the room, facing her, and she was completely naked. This last worried her more than the chains, and she shivered as a draft of cold air swept over her.
Major Samantha Carter was in deep trouble and she tried to figure out what happened to put her in this situation. The last thing she remembered was traveling through the Stargate with the rest of SG-1 on a mission to gather soil and rock samples for research purposes and to meet with the natives of the planet, if any. The MALP that had been dispatched to the planet prior to their arrival indicated rich soil samples, but was not able to determine if there were any signs of life in the vicinity.
SG-1, the flagship team of Stargate Command, headed by Colonel Jack O'Neill, Sam's commanding officer, stepped through the gate and immediately went to work. They had been on so many missions throughout the years that their actions upon arriving on a new planet were ingrained in them and they went about their duties without having to be told. Sam began collecting samples in test tubes and labeling them, while Daniel Jackson, the team's archeologist, walked around studying the placement of stones to determine if people lived there and possibly consider the Stargate an object of worship. Teal'c, a Jaffa warrior from a distant planet, who had joined the team from the very beginning, scanned the area, looking for any signs of danger or ambush. Colonel O'Neill joined Teal'c in scouting the area while asking pertinent questions to determine whether this place really was the gold mine his team promised it would be.
Sam remembered all this, but still wasn't sure what had brought her to her current predicament. She thought harder, all the while pulling on the chains to try to release her hands. When that didn't work, she twisted her body to see if there was a way to get out of the binds. She noticed that there was a small ledge in the wall behind her and she narrowed her eyes wondering if she could get on the ledge to raise herself up in an effort to free the chains from the wall.
Her attempts at escaping were interrupted, however, when the door to the room opened and a man walked in. She became acutely aware of her state of undress when the man gave her the once over and leered at her. She tried to calm her anger and embarrassment as he stared at her, and she stared back at him with just a little defiance to let him know that she wasn't afraid.
"Why am I prisoner here?" she asked as calmly as she could. The man's silence was starting to worry her. "Who are you?"
The man turned and walked out the door, leaving a very perplexed Major still manacled to the wall in nothing but her birthday suit. She didn't have to wonder for long, though, as he came back in, this time with two other men dragging Daniel between them. Daniel was dressed only in his pants and the chains that kept his hands bound in front of him.
Daniel's eyes widened with shock when he saw her and Sam knew even more embarrassment in terms of her nakedness. She looked away from her friend and teammate, only to have her glance drawn back when Daniel went berserk. He had turned on his captors, using his bound hands as a club to try to take them out. He was unsuccessful, however, and Sam's hopes of freedom were short lived. The man's two companions shoved Daniel down on the chair, while the leader of the group walked up to him with a metallic syringe in his hands.
Daniel pulled away from the syringe, while at the same time asking, "What is that?" He struggled to pull away from the needle, but his attempts were futile and Sam watched fascinated as the syringe pierced Daniel's bare arm.
Daniel stopped struggling the minute he was injected and Sam could see the fear in his eyes as he stared at her. His body went limp, but he came up fighting when his captors released their hold on him. Sam watched warily when the guards overpowered him and held him down. Daniel gave Sam an apologetic look and continued to keep eye contact with her while they waited for whatever was going to happen next. Sam could only stare at her friend as the look in his eyes turned from fear to something that looked like intense rage and hatred. The leader seemed to be waiting for this, because he indicated to his companions to release Daniel from the chains.
Sam didn't know what to make of this. They were letting Daniel go! Something wasn't right here and she started to panic, her fear increasing when Daniel gave her an evil smile that scared her to her toes.
The men walked out, leaving her with her friend and Sam immediately started in on him. "Daniel, can you get me out of these chains?" she asked.
"Why should I?" he responded, as his eyes raked her body from her eyes down to her feet then back up again.
What did he just say? "Daniel?" She really didn't like that look in his eyes.
"Kinda kinky, don'tcha think?" he asked her, as he slowly walked toward her.
"Come on, Daniel, it's me, Sam," she said, feeling stirrings of worry running through her mind. "Daniel?"
He grinned at her, staring into her eyes, as he walked up to her and pushed his body up to hers, thrusting his hips in a suggestive way. She tried to pull away from him, but the wall she was pinned to wouldn't allow for that. "Daniel!" she yelled, trying to get through to him. "Please Daniel, I know you're in there, please fight this. Daniel!"
Daniel didn't respond, he just reached up and grabbed a handful of her hair to hold her head in place as he ground his mouth on hers, kissing her with a fierceness that made her heart pound with fear. She jerked her head to try to pull away, but Daniel's fingers tightened in her hair, forcing her to accept the brutal kiss.
She continued to struggle, as the kiss deepened and he tried to part her lips to accept his tongue. She tightened her lips and resorted to kicking out at him with her knees. She wasn't able to inflict the kind of damage she wanted to, due to the closeness of his body, but she did get in a few kicks before he yelped and pulled back from her. He slapped her as hard as he could across the face, then punched her in the ribs when she tried to kick him again. She cried out, but continued to fight him, knowing that whatever it was in that syringe was causing him to do this. This was not Daniel.
Sam wasn't going to give up that easily and she tried everything she could think of to keep him from hurting her. Deep in her heart she knew what he was really going to do and she had to stop him. She was afraid neither one of them would survive the fallout if he finished this.
The chains that bound her hands and the drug that had infected Daniel's mind weakened her line of defense considerably. Still, she fought him valiantly with everything she had in her arsenal, including the tears that she cried as she begged him to stop. The tears were real, and she let them fall as she begged and pleaded and fought for all that she was worth.
It all was to no avail, as Daniel seemed to enjoy her struggles and the bruises he was inflicting on her. She continued to fight him, but the drug made Daniel more powerful and he won in the end. Sam waited, wondering if he would just leave her now that he got what he wanted, but was surprised instead when she saw Daniel looking at her in bewilderment and shock, his eyes staring into hers and she felt hope spring up in her heart. "Daniel?" she asked, her voice catching on a sob.
He reached up to touch her face and terror hit her full force when she saw the drug take over again. His expression changed from shame to an evil grin seemingly in a heartbeat. "I enjoyed that," he sneered. "Let's do it again."
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She was finally alone and she shivered as the coldness of the room caressed her bare skin. She hurt all over and she knew that she probably had bruises on top of bruises, but Daniel had been taken out of there and for that she was grateful. They came to get him the minute he collapsed in a heap on the floor, the drug apparently knocking him out.
He had raped her. Not once, but twice. She had fought him both times and she had lost the battle both times. Shame built up in her and she closed her eyes against the tears that were welling up. She knew that it was the alien substance that caused him to do what he did, but that thought didn't ease the pain in her heart. Daniel was a good friend, someone she could talk to about anything. She had always relied on his gentleness and genuine concern when times got too tough for her. She had leaned on him for support more times than she cared to admit and he would never have done anything like this had it not been for the alien influence. She focused on the few times during the violence when she saw Daniel fighting the drug, his eyes showing the shame he was experiencing. Daniel would never have done something like this.
Sam tried to relax her body in an effort to ease some of the pain, but found it difficult to do when her arms were threatening to snap on her. At least they felt like they were. She was just so tired. It had taken a lot of energy to fight off the evil that had manifested in Daniel, for all the good it did, she thought sarcastically. She closed her eyes, letting her head nod forward, hoping to find some sleep.
She jerked her head up when she heard the door open. She waited in terror, wondering what they had planned for her next. Her eyes widened when she saw Teal'c being led in, exactly as Daniel had been. She saw the shock as it registered on his face just before he turned on his captors to attack, almost the same way Daniel did. Teal'c was stronger though, and it took all three of the men to subdue him before the syringe was plunged into his arm.
Sam's terror knew no bounds as she looked at Teal'c. Daniel was buff, having worked out to build up his strength over the years, but Teal'c was much stronger and Sam closed her eyes in shame as she felt fluid flowing down her legs. She couldn't stop the tears from falling, as she heard the three men laughing at her weakness. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, determined to know the minute she was going to die, and she saw that Teal'c was on his knees as he stared at her, his own staff weapon held to his head. His dark eyes relayed his anger at their captors and Sam was grateful he didn't laugh at her, but that thought turned to fear as she saw the Teal'c she knew disappear and the drug take over.
The two men came over to Teal'c and unlocked his chains, then left with the other man. Teal'c didn't move, he just continued to stare at Sam, his face twisting into a leer. Sam watched him warily, waiting for him to pounce, and shivered again when he got up to walk toward her.
"Please Teal'c, please fight this. Please?' she begged, hoping he would be strong enough to fight the drug. "You can do it, Teal'c. Please, please, please fight it." She didn't stop the tears that had started to fall again, just cried and begged and prayed he would be strong enough.
Teal'c stood there, staring at her before lowering his head and glaring at her with malice. She knew she had lost and she let the sobs take over.
"Enough!" he growled at her, still not touching her. She tried to stop, but her fear was mounting, so she squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to comply with his demand. Her eyes popped open when she felt his lips on hers; kissing her deeply.
"No!" she cried out as she pulled her head away. She was not going to go out without a fight. Damn the consequences. She didn't think she would survive the shame if she ever got out of this anyway. She bucked her body to push him away, then kicked him as hard as she could. The kick landed on his shin, and he snarled at her before grabbing her hips and pushing her back up against the wall, causing her to scream as the shelf smashed into her bruised flesh.
"Teal'c!" she cried out. "Oh God, Teal'c, please don't do this. Teal'c?" What will it take to get through to him? "Teal'c, please fight the drug, please!" Her tears came back in full force as she begged him to stop.
Teal'c's movements stopped and hope blossomed once more in her heart. "Please, Teal'c. Please don't hurt me anymore." She stared into his eyes in hopes of finding her comrade and was heartened to see him in there. The hatred and the anger were gone, replaced by a softening as he stared into her eyes. Her attention was drawn to the muscle in his cheek that twitched as he fought with himself and the drug. She looked back into his eyes, begging him with her own, and felt frustration when she saw that he had lost the battle.
She hated him at that moment. Hated Daniel and hated the man who controlled their minds with drugs. But mostly she hated herself for not being able to defend herself from the hurt they'd inflicted on her body and mind.
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She had tried to communicate with her captors when they came to get Teal'c. He had only taken her once, choosing to move away from her when he had finished, giving himself a better chance of fighting off the drug. He passed out not long after he had moved away from her and their captors came in to drag him off.
"Why are you doing this?" she asked tiredly. "What can you possibly gain from this?"
The man just grinned at her as he brought over a cup and a piece of bread. He tried to feed her the bread, but she wasn't hungry and she shook her head. He got mad at her and walked out without even offering her the water. Just as well, she thought sadly.
She wondered what was in that drug. It was remarkably similar to the "disease" they encountered in the Land of Light, although the drug didn't seem to be able to take complete control as the disease did. She had seen Daniel and Teal'c try to fight the effects of the drug, seen their struggles to win back control, and she focused on that fact. Her friends will help her out of this, she had to believe in this.
She shifted to try to ease the pain in her arms, and cried out when the shelf came in contact with her back. She cursed that useless piece of wood, then twisted her body around to get a better look at it. She went back to looking for ways to free her hands, debating if the shelf would hold her up and what she could do if she even stood on it.
She let her mind work on the problem, while she tried not to think about the next session. She knew that it would be the Colonel they would bring in next and Sam dreaded it. She had harbored a secret love for her commanding officer for years, had avoided giving him or anyone else any indication of her feelings for him due to the regulations set in place by the Air Force. He knew about them anyway, as there were times when it was difficult to hide those feelings, but they still kept a respectful distance. Besides, she never really knew how deep his feelings were for her. He had mentioned them a few times, once when he didn't know he was her commanding officer and another time when he was forced to tell the truth to prove that he hadn't been brainwashed by the Goa'uld. Still, he was so good at hiding his feelings from people that she wasn't sure how deep those feelings ran. He never came right out and said he loved her, just that he "cared for her more than he should".
Sam knew, though, that it didn't matter if he did tell her that he loved her. They could never be together due to their positions at the SGC, and she realized some time ago that it was better that she didn't know. But now she was going to face his lust, his passion, and she worried that he would tell her things better left unsaid. More than that, though, was the fear of the violence he would commit and the dark side he had hinted at all those years ago.
She turned her thoughts back to her attempts at escaping, pushing away the fears of what would happen if she didn't succeed. She struggled in vain to free her hands, but continued to try anyway to keep her mind off of what was going to happen.
It wasn't long before her fears were realized. She heard the Colonel's voice on the other side of the door as he taunted his captors and demanded to know where they were keeping her. She stared at the door, waiting tensely to see him, hoping beyond hope that he would be the one who would fight off the effects of the drug, or better yet, fight off their captors and free her.
The man who had complete control over them came in first, grinning at her as he walked further into the room. Her eyes focused on the Colonel, though, as he was dragged in dressed exactly as Daniel and Teal'c had been. His eyes widened when he saw her, before narrowing as he reacted just as Daniel and Teal'c had. Sam silently rooted for him, watching wearily as he tried to kill one of the men who had dragged him in, not feeling any surprise when he was overpowered and the drug injected into him.
They didn't bother to wait until the drug had taken effect on the Colonel. They pushed him down onto the chair, unlocked his chains and backed out of the room, all the while pointing a staff weapon at Sam. The Colonel didn't dare attack while the weapon was trained on her and he ran over to her when the door closed behind the men.
"Carter?" he said, concern written all over his face.
She flinched when he reached for her, then decided to start the begging now, while he was still Jack O'Neill. "Colonel, please fight it, please!" she began, staring into his shocked eyes, willing him to be strong. "Please don't let it win. Oh God Colonel, please?"
"I won't hurt you Carter, you know that," he soothed as he reached up to try to open the manacles around her wrists.
"Please fight it sir," she whispered, as she shivered in fear. Her heart seemed to stop when she felt him stiffen against her. It was happening again, she thought, her eyes widening as he brought his gaze to hers. He was gone, she realized, as the concern in his eyes disappeared, replaced by fathomless darkness. "Colonel O'Neill!" she cried out, desperately trying to reach him, to pull him back from where ever the drug took him.
He grinned at her and let his hands slide down her arms, stopping when he brought them up to her face and brought his lips to hers, kissing her deeply. Panic set in as he pushed his body into hers, causing her pain as she was forced into that damned shelf again. She twisted her head sideways to escape his kiss, only to feel his lips on her throat, sucking and licking her skin.
"Colonel, please don't do this, please!" she continued to beg, knowing that it wasn't worth the effort. Defeat settled over her, causing her body to go limp and she gave up on her efforts to stop him, as well as the will to live.
His head suddenly shot up and she saw him leer at her before kissing her mouth again, brutally. She whimpered when he bit her lip in anger and she opened her mouth to allow him the access he had wanted, tasting the blood as her lip bled freely. He continued to ravage her mouth, while she let the tears stream down her face.
"Lovely," he mumbled as he broke the kiss to look in her eyes. He had a triumphant look on his face, grinning at her with her blood smeared on his lips. She stared back dully, wishing he would just get this over with. Her heart came to life, though, when she saw the triumphant look change into something else, something she recognized. He was there! "Jack!" she cried out, hope racing back into her. "Jack, fight this, please fight it. Jack?" She had given up on reaching the military man and used his given name in an effort to keep him with her. "Don't let it win, Jack, please!"
Sam could see the internal struggle he was waging and she urged him on with her eyes and her words. "Please, Jack. I can't go through this anymore. Please help me. Jack?"
She watched as he closed his eyes and ground his teeth together, and knew complete frustration when he opened his eyes to look at her again, Jack nowhere in sight. He was in there somewhere though, and this thought gave her back her anger and her determination to fight him off.
He moved back in for another kiss, but yelped when she brought her knee up, kicking him in the thigh. He growled, a deep guttural sound, and grabbed her by the hair cruelly. She was past caring about the pain though, and she kicked out with both feet and her knees, trying to hurt him anywhere she could.
He won in the end, as she knew he would. She was no match for him with her hands bound above her head and chained to the wall; and she squeezed her eyes shut as she waited for him to let her go. She opened them to look into his face as a thought came to her. Daniel and Teal'c both surfaced right after their release, maybe the Colonel would too. He had his face in her shoulder, though, breathing heavily, while she waited, wondering if he would look at her.
He did a few minutes later, bringing his head up to grin at her evilly. If he had come back, he had been too ashamed to look at her, Sam realized. She trembled as she waited for him to decide what he was going to do next. She didn't have to wait for too long, as he grabbed her by the hair and began kissing her again. Sam jerked her head back and glared at him, gearing up emotionally for another battle.
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Sam woke up groggy and nauseous. She didn't know how long she had slept; she only knew that she must have lost consciousness when the Colonel knocked her head back into the wall in a fit of intense anger as she fought off the second assault. He was gone now and she wondered vaguely if he had finished what he'd started. She stayed as still as possible, fighting off the waves of nausea, while listening hard for any sound of a new threat.
Her breathing constricted when she heard sounds of a scuffle on the other side of the door. They were coming back, and she quelled in her fear of what was going to happen next. She closed her eyes in an effort to gather her strength, then opened them with a grim determination to face whatever they threw at her with dignity.
She was not the least bit surprised when all three of her teammates were dragged in, chained together. She watched as they were forced to move in front of her, facing her. Daniel wouldn't look at her, she noticed, while Teal'c glared at the man who seemed to be in charge. The Colonel, however, was staring at her, telling her with his eyes that this was it, it was do or die and she nodded at him to let him know she understood.
The leader of their captors came up to her and opened the box he had in his hands to show her its contents. There were three syringes lying on a velvet-like lining in the box and he leered at her, staring at her expectantly. She was past caring, however, and just a little hyped that the Colonel may have a plan. She just stared at the man dejectedly, causing him to frown at her before backhanding her. She heard the Colonel snarl and she looked over at him to see that he and Teal'c had decided now was the time to take matters into their own hands. She watched as all three of her teammates fought valiantly, cheering them on silently. Her heart swelled with anticipation when she saw one of the guards fall and Teal'c grab his weapon. He used the weapon on the guard, then turned to use it on the other two.
He killed the other guard and turned the staff weapon on the leader who was injecting a dose of the drug into Daniel, who had put the chains linking his hands together around the leader's neck. Daniel pulled hard on the chain, not letting go until the man had gone limp. He finally let go of the man and Sam watched as Colonel O'Neill grabbed the weapon out of Teal'c's hands to shoot their tormentor, just to make sure.
The Colonel then went over to one of the guards, dragging his chained companions along with him. He squatted down next to the man, searching through his clothing until he found the key to the chains and unlocked the manacles around his wrists, as well as the chain that bound him to Teal'c. He unlocked Teal'c's chains, then came over to her to free her. She involuntarily flinched when he reached up to put the key into the manacles, but she kept her eyes on his, waiting for her freedom. He unlocked the chains, which caused her to cry out as her arms were released, the pain bringing on more dizziness and he caught her when she fell. The Colonel then wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug, holding her and warming her until Teal'c came over and handed her the tunic he had taken off of one of the guards. Sam let him hold her, the warmth he generated was something that she needed at the moment, but she didn't return the hug. In fact, she stood there feeling a numbness that didn't help in the warming process. She didn't think she would ever be warm again.
The Colonel let her go so that he could help her put the tunic on, grimacing as he got a better look at her injuries. There was no time, though, and he helped her to stand in order to get out of there. She wavered slightly, her body screaming in pain, but she ignored it, her only thought now was to get out of that place and to get home so that she could soak in a tub of the hottest water she could endure. She closed her eyes to get her bearings and to visualize her tub filled with bubbles, only to open them again when Daniel spoke up.
"Now that was a waste of energy," Daniel said, breaking the silence of the morning, the drug apparently having taken effect. "I'm just going to have to take the thing off of her again."
Sam couldn't help the tremor of fear that raced through her as she thought about the drug's affect on her friend and she was grateful when the Colonel moved to stand in front of her in a protective stance. "Think you can do it with those chains binding you?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure, you betcha," Daniel replied, mocking the Colonel. "You guys want to hang around to watch?" he continued cruelly. "I have to warn you that I won't share her though."
"Shut up, Daniel," the Colonel said as he went over to grab the chain that was still attached to the ones locked around Daniel's wrists. "Let's just get out of here, shall we?"
Chapter 2
The building they were in was like a maze and they couldn't find their way out. There were doors everywhere and no matter which way they went they hit a dead end. Sam was exhausted and thirsty and she just wanted this all to end. She wanted to be back in the SGC luxuriating in a steaming hot shower. She wanted to be anywhere but this place, walled with doors and frustration.
"This looks like a nice place," Daniel said, as he was pulled into yet another room. Every door they had tried led them to utter disappointment. "Why don't you and Teal'c go find the way out while Sam and I stay here and rest?" he continued with a leer aimed at her.
The Colonel just yanked on the chain and pulled Daniel out of the room to go in search of the way out.
"C'mon Jack," Daniel continued. "It'll only take a few minutes. Or are you jealous because it's Sam that I want and not you?"
Sam was shocked at that statement while the Colonel stopped dead in his tracks, turning to glare at Daniel. The look on his face scared Sam half to death, but it didn't faze Daniel in the least. He just took advantage of this opportunity to gain his freedom by yanking hard on the chain to break loose from the Colonel's grasp and ran toward Sam. Oh God, she thought as she stood there frozen with wide eyes. Daniel grabbed her arm to pull her along and she finally reacted. She dug her heels in and put all her weight into getting him to let go. This pulled him backward and he lost his balance, causing him to fall on top of her. He quickly got his bearings though and turned over so that he was now lying face down on top of her, leering at her. The Colonel and Teal'c both came to her aid, as each grabbed an arm and pulled Daniel off, but not before she hit him in the face with her fist. She jumped up and hit him again when he was upright between the two men, putting all her anger and hatred into that punch.
"You ever try that again," she snarled at him, "I'll kill you, I swear I will." She was seething with anger as she turned and stalked off down the hall. She stopped after a few steps, breathing heavily, and turned to the Colonel and Teal'c, "Thank you," she said trying not to grin at the look on both of their faces as they stared at her in shock.
"You go, girl," the Colonel said in awe and with some pride, causing her to blush as she realized what she had done.
"Let's just find our way out of here," she said trying not to show her embarrassment. She led the way with Teal'c following her and the Colonel still dragging Daniel along. The next room they entered held a surprise for them and Sam couldn't hide her pleasure. Everything they had with them when they first came through the Stargate was piled up on a table situated at one side of the room. Sam was glad to see their canteens sitting among their clothes, weapons and equipment. She was so thirsty.
"Oh," she said softly. She headed straight for one of the canteens, pulled it out and drank greedily from it. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand when she'd had her fill, then turned to find Colonel O'Neill staring at her.
"You weren't thirsty, were you Carter?" he asked with a small smile. He was staring at her apprehensively and she wondered what was on his mind.
She realized what it was when he held out her clothes to her along with a first aid kit, still watching her. She stared back at him, her eyes wide, as she backed up a few steps. She had injuries in places she never wanted him to ever see again.
"Just your back, Carter," he soothed. " And maybe your arms. I noticed a lot of blood..."
"We don't have time for this right now," she interrupted him, cringing when she heard the desperation in her voice. "Shouldn't we find our way out of here first? There could be more of those people still running around."
He stared at her for a moment, then said, "Sit," as he pointed at a bench. "Teal'c will stand guard," he added, effectively cutting into her excuses.
"I'll be fine," she told him, backing up another step as he walked toward her. He stopped when he noticed her fear, but continued to watch her with determination. Oh great, he had that look in his eyes. The one that told her he was going to get his way no matter what she wanted. He could be so stubborn, she thought, as she remembered that day when he wouldn't leave her to die on that ship. That memory brought on another one of him telling Anise that he'd `rather die than to lose Carter'. Well, Sam would rather die than to let him see her naked again.
"That's an order Major," the Colonel told her in a voice that matched the determination in his eyes. Sam couldn't help looking at the door before deciding to face her fear. She went over to the bench and sat down on it, waiting for the Colonel's next move. She watched as Teal'c used the keys he had brought with him to lock the end of Daniel's tether to a metal ring that was embedded in the wall on the other side of the room. He then came over to stand next to her to offer moral support. She knew that was what he was doing and Sam was grateful for her friends, even as she dealt with the anger she felt at what they did to her.
Teal'c held his staff weapon in his hands, ready and willing to blow away every single resident on the planet, while Colonel O'Neill came over and sat down next to Sam, trying to come up with the words to tell her what he needed her to do in order for him to assess her wounds. She stared at him warily, knowing what it was he wanted, but not quite able to help him out.
"There's a lot of blood on your back," he finally said, as he sat there looking extremely uncomfortable. "I'm going to have to lift up the shirt to get a better look at it. Um... It might be better if you'd..." He didn't finish what he was saying, but she knew what he wanted as he used his hands to gesture toward the tunic. He wanted her to take it off so that he could get a better look.
"No sir," she said vehemently. There was no way in hell. "It can wait until we reach the SGC."
"And when will that be?" he asked. "I assume you know where we are, because I sure don't. We can't even find our way out of this building. I don't remember how we got here or which route they took when they brought us here - I was totally out of it. One minute I was talking with Teal'c near the Gate and the next minute I woke up in my own personal jail cell half naked and freezing my ass off." He stopped then and gave her an apologetic look. "Look Carter," he continued, "There's no telling how far we have to go or what we will have to deal with in order to get to the Gate. I need you to be well enough to make it. If those wounds get infected or you become too sick to move..."
"I'll only slow you down, I know sir," she said dejectedly.
"Teal'c and I won't harm you again, Major," he said. "You know that, don't you?"
"I know," she said quietly as she stared into her commander's eyes. "I watched you fight the drug. You probably don't remember everything, but..."
"I remember every last detail," the Colonel snarled, his face registering intense anger. "I remember the horror I felt at what I was doing even as I couldn't wait to finish it. I remember every miserable thing I did and there is no excuse for not being able to fight it. None."
"Why fight it?" Daniel said from his perch before she could respond. "She enjoyed it with me. You should have heard her, moaning and begging me for more. It was music to my ears."
"Fucking liar," Sam growled. "See what I mean?" she asked as she turned toward the Colonel. "That is not Daniel. You know it as well as I do. Daniel would never have said something like that to me, just as the three of you would never have... would never have hurt me."
"C'mon Sam, you enjoyed it," Daniel continued. "You know you did. Come on over here and let's get down to business. You want it, I know..."
"Shut up Daniel," Colonel O'Neill shouted at the same time that Teal'c growled, "Be silent Daniel Jackson." Both men were on their feet, and Sam was afraid for Daniel with all the rage directed at him.
The drugs apparently made Daniel fearless, as well as heartless and cruel, because he just laughed at the two men before sneering at them with as much hate as he could muster. "I'm sure Sam wouldn't mind if you two join us. We could..."
"Gag him Teal'c," the Colonel cut in, as he dug into his bag and pulled out a cloth. Teal'c seemed to be more than happy to comply and went over to do the honors. Daniel had other ideas though and kicked out at the Jaffa who simply jumped out of the way before tackling the task of keeping Daniel quiet. Sam watched them struggle, not for a minute missing the irony of the situation. She had apparently taught Daniel a thing or two when she had fought him off the day before while her hands had been chained to the wall just as his were.
"Sam," the Colonel said quietly. He had sat down next to her and was holding out the first aid kit. "Let's get this over with, shall we?"
"Let me get my pants on first," she pleaded. At least she wouldn't be totally naked.
"After I take a look at your legs," he insisted.
Sam stared at him incredulously. She couldn't have heard him right. Most of the injuries on her legs where on her thighs and higher. She was not going to let him near that area, no matter what. The very thought of it had her trembling in fear again. "No," she said shakily. "Sir, I don't think I can do this."
"It'll be okay," he said softly, reaching out to wipe the tears from her cheek. "I promise to be careful and not get too personal. Please, try to trust me. Just this once."
She could do that, she could at least try. She nodded at him and watched him warily as he got up from the bench and knelt down in front of her. Teal'c had come back and was standing next to her, his staff weapon at the ready in case they were interrupted by unfriendly natives, telling her with his eyes that she had nothing to be afraid of. Oh Teal'c, she thought, if you only knew.
She trembled as the Colonel touched her knee and she found herself pushing the fabric of the tunic down between her legs to hide the area that was most traumatized. He accepted this and began his inspection of the bruises and a cut she didn't even know she had on her thigh. He cleaned the cut with an antiseptic, wiping the cloth down her thigh, causing her to shiver as the air hit the skin that had been dampened by the antiseptic. He stopped what he was doing when he saw her shiver and looked up into her face, silently asking for permission to continue. She nodded again and he began to inspect her other leg.
There were only bruises on that one and he smiled at her as he got up and grabbed her pants off of the bench and handed them to her. She took them gratefully and put them on hastily, making sure she didn't give them a peep show. Not that they hadn't seen everything anyway, she grimaced with shame.
"Now I need to look at your back," the Colonel said as he turned around to face Teal'c. "Take off the shirt Carter."
"Yes sir," she responded automatically, but made no move to obey. The Colonel had his back to her while Teal'c stared at the ground in front of her, both giving her the privacy she needed. Not Daniel, though. He was staring avidly at her, the gag in his mouth keeping him from verbally rooting her on. She glared at her friend, then stood up so that she was blocked from Daniel's view by the Colonel's body and took off the tunic. She wrapped it firmly around her breasts and sat back down, glaring at Daniel again.
"I'm ready," she said softly, fervently wishing to get this over with.
Teal'c brought his eyes back up to her and the Colonel turned around to get back to business. He stepped over the bench so that he was now behind her and she heard him issue a low growl when he got a good look at her injuries. She could only imagine what he was seeing, as she sat there waiting for him to confirm her suspicions.
"What the hell happened?" he asked her, as she felt his hand touch her shoulder. She flinched in pain and he hastily apologized. "Sorry," he mumbled.
"The wall behind me was rough," she explained quietly, flinching when he touched her back again with an antiseptic pad. "The roughness scraped the skin on my back pretty badly when I was forced up against it." She stopped speaking then, as the memories welled up and threatened to destroy her. She found herself staring at Teal'c wondering what he was thinking, as he stood there quietly watching the show.
"What about this bruise down here," the Colonel asked, as he gently touched the spot on her back that had caused her extreme agony each time she was pushed into the wooden shelf.
"There was a ledge in the wall behind me," she replied in a trembling voice - the bruise had hurt when he touched it. "It rammed into my back every time you guys pushed me up against it."
There was silence as all three of them reflected on their own memories that statement brought up. Sam wished she could just make it all go away, as if none of it ever happened, then yelped when the Colonel got a little rough in his handling of her.
"Sorry," he said gruffly, and she knew he was dealing with his anger at himself, which caused him to be a little too rough with her. He continued cleaning the wounds on her back, using much gentler touches, and she sat quietly while she dwelled on the fact that she really wasn't afraid of either of them.
A noise from the other side of the room brought her out of her musings and she watched as Daniel struggled to get out of the chains, pulling on the tether in an effort to free himself. The Colonel and Teal'c simply ignored him, but Sam continued to watch as Daniel gave up and resorted to glaring at her instead. He couldn't reach the gag to pull it out of his mouth, and for this she was thankful. He had been the most vocal of the three while under the influence of the alien drug, and his words could cut through steel, as far as she was concerned.
"Is that it?" the Colonel asked as he cleaned the last cut on her back. "Anything else I need to look at?"
"I can take care of the rest," Sam said, wanting to get this over with. She trembled when Teal'c came over to stand in front of her, watching warily as he knelt down and reached out to grab the top of the tunic she was holding in front of her. He stared into her eyes as he slowly pulled the material down. Sam knew what he was looking for and she tried to control the tremors as he looked down at the welt on her chest where he had bitten her in retaliation for kicking him when she was fighting him off. He stopped pulling at the fabric and looked back into her eyes.
The Colonel came around to see what Teal'c was doing and Sam watched as his expression changed from concern to showing nothing of what he was thinking. She hated it when he did that.
"Colonel," she began angrily. "Why do you do that? What's it going to hurt if someone knows what you're ... Oh to hell with it," she raged unreasonably, "You do whatever you have to."
"What'd I do?" he asked, his face now showing complete bewilderment. He looked over at Teal'c, hoping to find the answer there and looked back at her when he didn't.
"Nothing," she said angrily. She knew her anger at him was unreasonable, but the anger was boiling inside her and she needed to let it out. "Just get this over with," she said to Teal'c.
Teal'c nodded his head at her, then cleaned the welt and the area around it with an antiseptic pad. She looked back at the Colonel, only to find that he had slipped back behind the stone mask.
Damn him, she thought angrily, as she turned her gaze to Daniel. He stared back at her with intense malice, his eyes promising dire retribution if he ever got free of the chains and her protectors. She glared back at him defiantly, her anger building as she sat there feeding on the guilt and the anger of her friends. Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c were drowning in their own guilt and she knew Daniel would be too when the drug finally left his system. She could feel the weight of their guilt washing over her, adding to the shame and the memories of what happened and she was afraid all of it would destroy her. She needed to get rid of some of the weight that was dragging her down, but she didn't know how without hurting the very people she had come to know and trust with her very life. And she really didn't want to hurt them; they were not directly responsible for their actions.
She winced as Teal'c scrubbed at the dried blood on the welt, but didn't say anything to him as he gave her an apologetic look. She just looked away, fighting the anger and the shame she was experiencing, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. The Colonel handed her a canteen and some pills to ward off any infections and the pain she was dealing with, while Teal'c cleaned her wound, and Sam took them from him, knowing that she needed to keep well if she wanted to see her home again.
Teal'c stood up when he was finished and she got up to finish dressing. She turned her back on them as she struggled painfully to put her t-shirt on, pulling away angrily when the Colonel came over to help her.
"Let me help you Major," he said evenly.
"I can do it sir."
"Major...,"
"I can do it," she snapped at him, wishing he would just leave her alone.
He took the hint, doing a fine job of hiding the hurt look that flashed in his eyes, and went over to tackle the problem of getting Daniel's shirt on without unlocking the chains. He and Teal'c finally settled on having Teal'c stand behind Daniel with his arm around the archeologist's neck, while the Colonel unlocked the chains and helped him into his shirt and jacket. It was quite a struggle with Daniel fighting them every step of the way to gain his freedom, but Teal'c had a tight hold on Daniel's neck and he was soon back in the chains.
"I'm sure you are capable of putting your own boots on," the Colonel told Daniel, as he dropped the boots on the floor in front of him. He then went over to the table to grab his own clothes; getting dressed quickly while Sam struggled with her vest. She accepted Teal'c's help now that she was fully dressed and they were all armed and ready to go ten minutes later.
Chapter 3
It took another half hour and several doors later before they finally found their way out of the building. Jack had been worried about the fact that they hadn't seen anyone else in the building the whole time they were searching for a way out. Things were never this easy, at least not in his experience and he kept expecting others to jump out at him. For this reason, he was especially alert as they made their way through the fields located around the building.
Carter was still angry with them, he could tell. Who could blame her, he certainly didn't. He remembered everything from the moment he woke up in that cell to the fierce pleasure he'd experienced at Carter's expense. He remembered waking up in the same cell after his downfall wondering if he would ever survive the torture of knowing what he'd done and facing the memories of her face as she begged him to stop - memories that will torment him for a long time to come.
God, how he hated the men who had captured them and forced him to do the one thing that far outweighed anything he had ever done in his lifetime. The thought of more men capturing them again forced him to push his team into moving faster. If they could just get to the woods at the edge of the field, they would have a better chance of hiding out while they set off to look for the Gate. He turned toward Carter to tell her to pick up the pace, but yelled out to her instead when he saw four men come out of the building they had just left. "Move it Major," he shouted as he took off at a run, dragging Daniel behind him. He glanced back to see that both Teal'c and Carter had followed his lead and were running to catch up.
They made it to the woods just in time, ducking behind trees to avoid the arrows that were flying toward them. Carter and Teal'c immediately found cover and began shooting their weapons back at the men who had followed them. Jack tried to help, but the chain he had wrapped around his left hand hampered his efforts. Every time he aimed, Daniel took intense delight in yanking on the chain causing Jack to miss his target by a mile. He finally settled on sitting this one out, although he did pull hard on the chain to cause Daniel to end up on the ground flat on his face. Jack was normally a decent man, but he took some pleasure in seeing his friend sputtering angrily through the gag in his mouth.
Teal'c and Carter took care of the men who had chased them into the woods, but Jack was not about to let his guard down now. "Carter," he said, "Lead the way, Teal'c, you're on our six. We need to get back to the Gate as soon as possible. Anyone know where we are?"
"No sir," Carter said. Jack cringed inwardly when he looked over at her; he knew damn well how she got that cut on her lip. It appeared he wasn't the only one who had left teeth marks on her, though. Anger surged through him as he remembered the ones on Carter's chest, the ones that Teal'c knew about. God, Teal'c could have killed her with one punch, what were those people thinking? They didn't care, he realized with a certainty. They were just looking for some entertainment.
Bastards, he fumed, suddenly glad that the people who had been shooting at them were dead. "Lead the way Carter," he said again. He looked over at Daniel and was shocked to see him standing there with a look of utter horror and shame on his face. "Daniel?" he said, wondering if the drug was gone, realizing only a few moments later that he must have been wrong, because Daniel sneered and yanked hard on the chain to try to knock Jack off balance.
"There!" Carter exclaimed, "Did you see that? He was there for a second, I saw him!"
"Carter..."
"I wonder why the drug doesn't take total control over the user," she mused quietly. "You guys came out and fought it while it had control, and those times were most prominent when you were least violent."
"Carter!" Jack yelled to get her attention. "Can you think about this while you walk?" This was definitely something that he did not want to think about. He had raped his second in command and here she was telling him that it wasn't entirely his fault. The hell it wasn't! He remembered thinking it was wrong even as he rammed her head back into the wall to make her compliant. God, how he hated himself right then. He had always felt responsible for his team, taking the brunt of whatever horrors the Goa'uld could think up in order to save them from having to deal with the pain and torture. It wasn't always a smart thing to do, but he'd rather suffer those horrors than to live with the guilt of letting his teammates go through it when he could have himself.
Years of training galvanized Carter into action and Jack fell into step behind her. They had absolutely no idea which way to go or how far away they were from their destination, but being on the move was better than waiting for the next group of sadists to find them. Daniel trailed behind him, lagging behind, forcing Jack to practically drag his friend along, but Jack finally realized that it was from fatigue more than a mean spirited attempt at sabotage. He well remembered the feeling of weariness just before he collapsed after taking Carter so brutally. The drug apparently knocked its victims out after a time and Daniel must be feeling the side affects. "Don't pass out on me, Daniel," he advised, as he looked back to see Daniel stumbling to keep up. "I'll drag you if I have to."
Daniel didn't respond, mainly because he couldn't through the gag, but Jack realized that he had been right in his assumption, Daniel was exhausted. They didn't have a choice though and he continued to pull Daniel along as they made their way toward freedom. He intended to put as much distance between him and the bad guys as quickly as possible.
Carter kept moving as she consulted her equipment. Jack couldn't help but admire her character and strength. She had just been raped by her commanding officer, and if his suspicions were correct, by every one of her teammates, and she took it all in stride. Either that or she was doing a damned good job of hiding it. Oh damn, he sighed inwardly. She really wasn't doing all that well in hiding it, he realized. The fear in her eyes when he'd approached her with the first aid kit was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. Then there was the anger she displayed when she was yelling at him for whatever it was he did, he still hadn't figured that one out, and when she had decked Daniel. He scowled at her back as he followed her through the woods. He had quite a few bruises where she had kicked him in her efforts to make him stop his attack. He had been such as ass to her and he didn't know if he would ever forgive himself.
They came to a river and Carter stopped to look at her equipment again. She was hoping to pick up a signal from the MALP that had been at the Gate when they had last seen it. She mumbled something to herself, while Jack felt himself being pulled toward the water as Daniel made a beeline toward it and sank down to splash some water on his face.
"Be careful Daniel Jackson," Teal'c warned, as he too came up to the water's edge. "The water may not be safe."
Jack pulled on his end of the chain to keep Daniel away from the water, while Carter put some of the water into a beaker to determine whether it was safe to drink or not. Daniel reached up to pull the gag out of his mouth, then said, "Just a little drink."
"Here," Jack said, pulling his canteen out and handing it to his friend. Daniel took it and guzzled the water down. "That's enough," Jack said quietly as he took it back. "We need to conserve our resources."
"The water seems to be safe sir," Carter said. He nodded at her, but she averted her gaze when he looked at her. It was at that moment he realized for certain that she was not okay and that he may have lost her trust and friendship forever.
"Any ideas as to where the Gate is?" he asked her, as sadness crept up into his heart. It was probably better that she hated him, he thought, as she shook her head. He wasn't such a great person as it was. He was a man who couldn't be trusted with even the simplest task of fighting off his passions and lust. He had welcomed the thought of finally making love to Samantha Carter with an eagerness that still scared him every time he thought about it. Part of him realized that he didn't want to fight off the drug, not really.
"Keep moving," he snarled, his anger directed solely at himself. Damn it. If it wasn't for the safety of this team, he'd just go back and let the bastards kill him. It would be more than he deserved.
The river turned out to be only knee deep at the deepest part. He found this out as he walked into the river, pulling Daniel along with him. He kept on walking until he got halfway across, slipping and sliding the whole time on the slick rocks. He stopped when he heard a splash just after her heard Carter yell. She had slipped and fallen, and he dropped Daniel's tether as he went back to help her when she came up sputtering and spitting out water.
"Are you all right?" he asked her, then felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise when he heard a sound that made his blood run cold. He, Carter and Teal'c all turned their weapons toward the sound, then stood there in shock as they stared at Daniel. The archeologist was standing in the middle of the river with his arms raised up to the sky and his head thrown back, screaming out his rage and frustration in a voice that made Jack tremble in fear. Daniel stopped and lowered his arms and head, then looked over at his friends, giving them a forlorn look before falling over in a faint.
Jack nearly fell on the rocks in his haste to get to Daniel, but Teal'c got there first. He pulled Daniel out of the water, then hefted the chained man over his shoulder to carry him out of there. Jack and Carter followed Teal'c, with Carter grabbing his arm once to keep from falling again. He didn't stop to dwell on the elation he felt at that small gesture, he was too busy worrying about Daniel. They got to the other side where Teal'c had laid Daniel on the ground, checking to see if he was still alive. He was, Jack realized with relief.
"We'll have to stop here until Daniel wakes up," Jack said with just a small amount of annoyance in his voice. "You both look like you could use some rest, as well. Let's set up camp in the trees over there and we'll set out first thing in the morning." He didn't know how long they had been in that building and he wasn't familiar with this planet's daylight patterns, but he knew that it would get dark soon and it would be best to get settled in with security measures set up just in case there were more of their tormentors out there.
It didn't take long for them to set up camp and Jack went about securing the perimeter. There wouldn't be a whole lot of sleep for him tonight, with Daniel and Carter dead on their feet. Carter didn't complain, but Jack could see she was exhausted. She had put up quite a fight when he was with her, he could just imagine her fighting the other two.
He got back to find Carter sitting next to a small fire wrapped in a blanket and drinking from a cup, while Teal'c was walking in from the other side of the camp. Daniel was sound asleep next to the fire, his hands still chained together under the blanket they threw over him. They had decided to keep the chains on until they were absolutely sure Daniel was clean.
Carter looked up when he came to sit down next to her and Jack tried not to notice the slight stiffening of her body when he did. He didn't blame her for her revulsion of him. "You okay?" he asked her for lack of anything else to say.
"Yes sir," she responded tiredly. "There's some soup if you'd like some."
"Thanks," he said quietly, although he didn't get up to get any. "Look Carter," Jack said as he stared out at the trees that surrounded their space, "I want to apologize for what happened..."
"It's not your fault sir," Carter interrupted before he could finish his heartfelt apology. "You would never have done anything like that if it you hadn't been injected with that drug."
"No," he snapped at her. "You don't understand. I need to apologize for this. I have to." Oh man, what could he say to her? She had depended on him to fight off the drug, to keep her safe and he let her down in the worst way. "I'm sorry that I hurt you so badly," he continued, wishing he could accept his own apology.
"As am I," Teal'c spoke up from his spot next to the fire. "It is my hope that you would someday forgive me for my conduct."
Carter didn't respond right away, she just stared into the fire wrapped up in her own thoughts. "I just can't believe that you would do something like that without that drug," she finally said. "You wouldn't, would you?" she asked them point blank.
"Hell no!" Jack responded vehemently. He couldn't even bring himself to tell her his feelings for her, there's no way he would hurt her like that.
"Neither would I, Major Carter," Teal'c added. "But the fact remains that I did indeed hurt you. For that I am deeply sorry."
Carter just shook her head in defeat. "Apology accepted," she said kindly. She was shivering and Jack wanted to help her warm up by putting his arms around her. He was just too scared to do it. He was afraid she would pull away in fear.
"Jack?" Daniel called out. He was trying to sit up, but had gotten tangled up in the blanket. He gave up after a few moments and just lay there with closed eyes. Jack didn't respond right away, waiting to see if his friend had gone back to sleep. Daniel had wakened like this in his jail cell after he had been brought back, but had gone right back to sleep almost immediately.
Jack continued to stare at Daniel, although he wasn't really seeing his friend lying there on the ground. He was remembering being in his cell trying to get Daniel to talk when he had wakened long enough to call out his name. He had called out to Daniel, whose cell was on the other side of Teal'c's, but Daniel had apparently gone back to sleep, leaving Jack to continue wondering what their captors had done to his friend when they had taken him away. Teal'c had been taken away not long after they had brought Daniel back, and curiosity nearly drove Jack crazy.
He shook away the memory and turned to Carter, who was sitting there huddled against the cold and Jack's heart went out to her. He gave into his desires, despite his fears and pulled her into a hug. She pulled away from him at first, as he feared she would, but then had a change of heart and leaned into him. Silence reigned as they sat there staring at the fire, listening for any sounds that would tell them they could be in trouble again.
Chapter 4
Morning came without any disturbances and Teal'c welcomed the sunrise. Although he had only a few hours of rest during the night, he was more than ready to get moving. So far they had only encountered seven men during their stay on this planet, but there could be more and Teal'c had no desire to stay and find out.
He and O'Neill had been up all night keeping watch. Neither one wanted to let their guard down nor did they want to keep Major Carter from her sleep. It was a given that Daniel Jackson would be allowed to sleep throughout the night as they both knew from their own experience with the drug that it would be futile to keep the man awake.
Thoughts of what the alien drug did to him caused him to frown as he tamped out the fire. He did not like to dwell on what he did to Major Carter, but there was no escaping the memories. The look of hatred in her eyes as she spat at him when he had violated her haunted him, causing him a great deal of pain as he realized that he may have lost a valued and trusted friend.
The fire was no longer a threat to anything when he finally stopped stomping on it. He had not realized that he was taking his anger out on it until it dawned on him that he was kicking at a pile of dirt, and not the fire that had been there originally. He went over to retrieve his staff weapon, all the while ignoring O'Neill who had been grinning at his actions. At least Teal'c tried to ignore the embarrassment of having been caught in an unusual display of anger.
Major Carter came up to him and patted his arm, saying, "It's gone Teal'c." Teal'c found himself smiling at her, knowing full well that it was a measure of relief to know that she was willing to make amends. He bowed his head at her to acknowledge her statement, then went back to the task of packing up camp.
Daniel Jackson was awake and sitting on the ground holding a cup of coffee in both hands. He had refused to let them take the chains off, much to O'Neill's chagrin. Daniel Jackson, it seemed, wanted to keep the chains as a reminder of what he had done. Teal'c did not think that this was a good idea, but convincing Daniel Jackson proved to be an ordeal in itself. He smiled to himself as he remembered the argument between Daniel and O'Neill. The two men always found something to argue about, even at the most inopportune moments.
Daniel Jackson had wakened not long after Major Carter did, but he had kept his silence, which was extremely unusual. He finally spoke up when he held up the chains that still bound his hands together and said to O'Neill, "Thank you," in such a heartfelt tone that even Teal'c knew what he meant. O'Neill had responded in his usual flippant manner as he went over to unlock the chains. "Anytime buddy," O'Neill had said. "Although it was the gag I liked best. Imagine a whole day without having to tell you to can it... I tell you, it was heaven." O'Neill had stopped speaking when he realized that what he had said may not have been the best thing at that moment, but Daniel Jackson took it for what it was, a friendly gesture that was not meant to harm him.
O'Neill tried to unlock the chains, but Daniel would not let him. He pulled his hands in toward his stomach in a protective gesture while he shook his head. "Forget it Jack," he said. "How do you know I won't try to hurt someone the minute you free me."
O'Neill stared at his friend in amazement before responding, "The very fact that you are warning me about it tells me that you won't. Come on Daniel. Let me take them off."
"No way. You all are better off with me chained up."
"Daniel..."
"I'm keeping them on."
"No you're not. Hand them over."
"Uh uh," Daniel Jackson insisted, as he pulled his knees up in an effort to hide his hands behind them.
"I'm making it an order Daniel," O'Neill countered. "Give it up."
"No," he replied adamantly.
"Please Daniel?" Major Carter said, as she came to squat down next to him. "I know you didn't mean to hurt me. Let the Colonel unlock the chains."
"No," he said, as he stared at the ground between them. "I don't want to hurt you Sam. Besides, I deserve worse than this," he snarled out. "Much worse."
Teal'c had watched the whole scene with some interest and was going to try to help his friends in talking to Daniel Jackson, but those words had effectively stopped him. He had felt the same way as his friend did, only he believed that it was himself that should be locked up and imprisoned. He had committed a heinous crime, one that he would have been severely punished for if he were back in Chulak. His people believed that anyone who raped another was weak and not worthy of being a Jaffa, as it demonstrated a lack of control over mind and matter. The Jaffa prided themselves on their strength and for someone to give in to their baser needs and desires was deemed a coward and treated as such. There was also the matter of possibly injuring a woman in that she would not be able to bear another child who would grow up to be a part of their God's army. This fact alone made rape a crime punishable by death and Teal'c believed that he, too, deserved to be punished.
O'Neill had given up the argument at that point, as well. Teal'c knew very well the reason why. O'Neill was a good man who had lived through his own share of tragedies, and if what O'Neill had told him was true, his own share of violence. Teal'c knew from experience that O'Neill would lay down his life in order to save a member of his team - the fact that he had been the tormentor of a teammate had to be an experience that would torture O'Neill for a long time to come.
Teal'c dwelled on these thoughts as he took his staff weapon to do a little scouting while his teammates got their gear together. They joined him several minutes later and Major Carter led the way. They walked several hours in silence until the Major stopped and turned to them with a smile. "I've got a signal sir," she said, relief shining in her eyes. "We're almost there!"
"Finally," O'Neill muttered. Although he looked tired and worn down, Teal'c knew the Colonel was alert and ready to do battle if the opportunity arose. Teal'c had known from the moment he had encountered O'Neill in Apophis' prison that he was a force not to be reckoned with and he was glad that he had taken a chance on the young Tau'ri.
"You ready to let me take those chains off Daniel?" O'Neill asked his friend. Daniel Jackson shook his head, but O'Neill had apparently decided enough was enough. His hand snaked out and grabbed the chain between Daniel's wrists and pulled on them to bring the chain closer to him, causing his friend to stumble as he was jerked forward. O'Neill swiftly unlocked the chains, then looked at them as he held them in his own hands. He looked up at Daniel Jackson, then took a few running steps before throwing the chains away from him as hard as he could. The chains sailed through the air and fell down in the distance. "That's one less reminder," O'Neill said before turning to Major Carter. "Lead the way," he ordered.
"Yes sir," Major Carter responded, as she gave Daniel an encouraging smile before turning toward their destination.
"Congratulations Jack," Daniel Jackson snarled, as he turned to follow the Major. "You've graduated from being an ass to being a complete son of a bitch!"
"Whatever it takes," O'Neill responded. Teal'c just shook his head as he followed his teammates through the forest. He knew by now that their anger would leave them as quickly as it came up. It was just a matter of time.
They walked in silence as they made their way toward the Stargate. Teal'c tried to keep his mind on the dangers that they may be facing, but he found himself remembering the events of the day before and what he did to the woman who had shown complete faith in him the very first day he arrived at the SGC. She had demanded that the others not shoot him, then came up to him and held her hand out, asking him without words to hand over his weapon. He had admired her courage at that moment and he was grateful to this day that she accepted him within the ranks of SG-1 without question.
He knew in his heart that it was the drug he had been injected with that caused him to hurt her, to take his pleasure in her without her permission, but he also remembered the thought of wanting to finish what was started once he had kissed her, even as he hated himself for the very thought. She had begged him to stop and he had wanted to more than anything, but something deep inside wouldn't let him. He had enjoyed her screams when he had hurt her, all the while hating himself with his whole being when she cried and begged him not to hurt her anymore. He had sworn to keep her safe when he had joined SG-1, but that meant nothing as he saw her standing there wearing only bruises and blood to hide her nakedness.
Teal'c swiveled with his weapon aimed toward the noise that had brought him out of his musing. O'Neill came up to stand next to him, his gun primed and ready to fire. They scanned the surrounding area, trying to see behind the trees in hopes of determining what it was that disturbed them, but there seemed to be nothing there. Teal'c was not fooled, he had, after all, been a warrior for over 100 years and he took a few steps forward to see if he could find what it was that was out there. He concentrated with all of his senses, knowing that he still may determine what was out there by smell, as well as sight and sound.
The forest came alive as Teal'c focused on his prey. The sights and sounds were familiar, but it was the unusual sounds Teal'c listened for. He turned slightly to his right when a twig snapped, then dropped to his knees as an arrow sped past his arm. He turned to aim his weapon toward the direction where the arrow came from and fired when a man came charging out of the brush. The man fell from the force of the blast and Teal'c was glad to know yet another one was dead.
He turned again when he heard a gunshot from behind him and saw that O'Neill had killed a man who had been aiming at Teal'c. He knew from experience that O'Neill, Major Carter and Daniel Jackson would have completed their own reconnaissance, finding shelter among the trees as they made their own assessments of their predicament, which is why Teal'c was not surprised by O'Neill's actions. The four of them all worked well together, like a well-oiled machine.
The forest was quiet again, but the members of SG-1 did not give up their hiding places just yet. Teal'c kept a constant vigil, wondering how many more were out there, just waiting for their chance to capture him and his friends. He turned when he heard a muffled shout, but his help was not required as Major Carter shot the man who had tried to cut Daniel Jackson's throat.
Daniel Jackson just stared at the Major a moment before going back to his own vigilant stance. There was no time to discuss anything.
"How far are we from the Gate?" O'Neill spoke up from his hiding place.
"A couple clicks maybe?" Major Carter answered. Ever the soldier, Teal'c thought proudly. She would have made a remarkable Jaffa, he realized, not for the first time. He shook away the memory of watching her as he waited for the drug to take effect, of the look in her eyes as she pushed away her terror and looked at him with dignity and strength, believing she was going to die by his hand. If ever there was a warrior, it was Samantha Carter.
"We're going to make a run for it," O'Neill said. "Carter, you and Daniel go first. Teal'c and I will be right behind you. Go!" he shouted.
Both Major Carter and Daniel ran toward the Stargate, while Teal'c and O'Neill scanned the area for their attackers. No one came forth, so both men turned and ran after their teammates. They raced through the forest, keeping an eye on the route Major Carter took while at the same time keeping their eyes and ears attuned for possible attackers.
The trees that they ran through provided adequate cover for their flight and Teal'c was relieved when he heard the Stargate erupt. He and O'Neill came into the clearing just as Major Carter turned to them, shouting at them to hurry.
"Go!" O'Neill shouted at her once more, and she complied immediately. She disappeared into the event horizon, but not before she grabbed Daniel Jackson's arm to pull him along with her. Teal'c stopped to aim his weapon at a man who came out of the trees next to the Stargate, and shot him just as he put a tube to his mouth intending to shoot something toward them.
He and O'Neill ran the final stretch toward the Stargate and dived through it to make it to safety. They came out on the other side to a reception of soldiers, each one determined to defend their homeland at all cost. "Close the iris!" O'Neill shouted as he dropped down onto the ramp. Teal'c got up on his feet, then reached down to help O'Neill up when the man raised his hand in an appeal.
"Colonel O'Neill," General Hammond said, as he came into the Gate Room, his eyes conveying his concern. "What happened out there?"
O'Neill did not respond right away, which was extremely unusual. The man always had something to say when he got back, usually something flippant. It was expected by everyone who knew the Colonel, and General Hammond's expression turned grave when it became apparent O'Neill was not going to respond as usual.
"Colonel?" the General tried again.
"We ran into some problems sir," O'Neill finally said, as he looked at his commanding officer. "We should get down to the infirmary, especially Carter, if it's all right with you sir."
"Yes. Yes, of course," the General said, as he indicated the way with his hand. "We'll debrief in one hour."
"Yes sir," O'Neill replied before he turned to lead the way toward the infirmary.
Doctor Janet Fraiser met them at the examination room and began issuing orders to her staff. She then began to ask questions to try to determine the extent of their injuries. Teal'c let the doctor and her staff draw blood and run the usual tests they had to endure after every mission, but refused to tell her what happened while he had been drugged. He felt that this was something Major Carter should speak of herself, as was her right.
Teal'c was more worried about his friend, Daniel Jackson. The young man was unusually despondent, refusing to talk to anyone, including Major Carter. Teal'c knew what his friend was experiencing, but he also knew that Daniel was a caring and compassionate man who held onto his values tightly and was probably devastated by his actions, which contradicted the values he held so dear. Daniel Jackson was going to have a hard time dealing with what he had done and Teal'c hoped he would be able to help his friend when the time was right.
"Oh God, Sam. What happened to you?" he heard Doctor Fraiser ask from behind the curtain that hid the Major's bed.
"It's nothing Janet," Major Carter responded in a trembling voice.
"It looks like a lot," Doctor Fraiser insisted. Teal'c tried not to listen, all the while knowing that the doctor would get the answers she wanted. The woman was a harridan when it came to healing the people under her care. As if to prove this point, the doctor began issuing orders to her staff, as well as to Major Carter, telling her to get undressed and to put on a hospital gown, so that she could do a thorough examination. The doctor came out from behind the curtain just as Major Carter groaned in frustration, glaring at him and his companions. "What happened out there?" she demanded.
She did not get the answer she was looking for, as all three men kept their silence. Apparently O'Neill and Daniel Jackson shared Teal'c's opinion that the explanation should come from Major Carter. Teal'c would wait until he faced the man who had the power to punish him for his actions before he would admit his guilt.
"Are we done here Doc?" O'Neill asked forcibly.
"You three are," she said after studying them for a moment. She knew defeat when it stared her in the face. She then called out to Major Carter to ask permission to enter the curtained area. Teal'c bowed his head in shame as memories of what he did to his friend and comrade washed over him when Major Carter timidly responded with the word, "Please."
Chapter 5
Samantha Carter stood in the shower, moaning in pleasure as the hot water poured over her. The heat from the water massaged her sore muscles and she couldn't help but luxuriate in it. She stood there as the hot water ran through her hair and over her face, mingling with the tears that came without warning.
This was what she had been craving ever since she had wakened in that prison. Warmth and cleanliness, mixed in with the relief of being home had a huge affect on her well-being and Sam welcomed the bliss that came with these sensations. She stood there for several minutes letting the hot water sooth her muscles as well as her soul before finally taking up the soap in an effort to wash away the dirt and grime that had collected in her hair and on her body. Hot tears continued to fall, mixing in with the water from the shower and Sam hoped that she would be able to control those tears if she concentrated on something more constructive, like scrubbing away the dirt.
Sam scrubbed every inch of her body as she fought against the weakness of her tears. She was an officer in the United States Air Force and she had to keep up the image that she could hold her own in a career that was populated predominately with males. Keeping up pretenses meant that she had to constantly prove that she was just as capable of handling anything a man could. She had succeeded in this endeavor over the years and she worked hard to earn the respect of her peers, as well as earning every last one of the medals she had been awarded.
A man wouldn't resort to tears no matter what hardships were encountered in the field or how badly he had been treated. Soldiers were not supposed to cry. Yet here she was sobbing her heart out in the shower. She tried to reason that the tears were inevitable and that she had every right to cry, especially since she was alone, but years of training and putting on the brave front for her peers made her feel like a fraud and a weakling for giving into this weakness. The crying had to stop and it had to stop now.
So much for bravado, Sam thought, as the tears continued to fall while she scrubbed her scalp. She decided to just let the tears fall so that she could get it out of her system. This way, she could move on with her life without fear of breaking down in front of her team, or worse, in front of Janet Fraiser.
Sam went back to scrubbing her arms again as she thought about her friend, Janet. She and Janet had become great friends over the years, and Sam was having a hard time keeping the truth about what happened from the doctor, whose thorough examination told her more than Sam did. Janet seemed to have a radar in her head that zeroed in on Sam's deepest feelings and thoughts and Sam had the distinct feeling that Janet knew who it was that had raped her. It was probably evident in the faces of her teammates, but Sam couldn't bring herself to admit the truth to her friend.
Janet had looked Sam in the eyes and asked her point blank who had violated her. Sam just kept her silence, hoping that Janet would take it that she didn't want to talk about it, that she was too traumatized to talk about it. Janet took the hint and Sam was thankful for her friend's understanding. This was one of the few times when she knew she would get away with using a feminine tactic, and she had no qualms in taking advantage of the opportunity.
Sam couldn't explain why she was trying to protect her friends. She thought it might have something to do with the fact that they had been drugged, or it could be because they had tried to fight the alien influence. Deep down, Sam knew it was because she had always protected them, fought for them and was willing to die for them, as they would for her. They had learned to rely on each other and Sam couldn't let them down now.
She found herself dwelling on that thought as she washed her stomach and legs with the soapy washrag. Why should she protect them? They had failed her when they couldn't fight off the effects of the drug. She had cuts and bruises all over her body to attest to that fact. Worse, she had memories of the kisses and their hands groping and pinching, while she fought with everything she had to stop them. Shame and disgust moved into her thoughts and she scrubbed her skin harder in an effort to chase away the memories.
She finally stopped scrubbing her skin when it dawned on her that she had been at it for a long time. She was not going to get any cleaner, so what was the point? She let the water pour over her body for a few minutes longer, then turned off the shower. It was time to face her teammates and the General.
If there was one thing she had learned during her career, it was that it's best to face the consequences head on and get it over with. With that in mind, she dressed quickly and prepared herself mentally and emotionally to face the next hurdle. She was not prepared, however, to find all three of her teammates waiting for her outside the showers. They were watching her with concern and she didn't know whether to smile at them or give into her weakness and start crying all over again.
The soldier kicked in and she smiled at them to let them know she was okay. Colonel O'Neill smiled back before saying, "How are you holding up, Carter?"
"I'm fine sir," she responded. "I so needed that shower."
"I had been thinking of finding someone to go in there and check on you," he said, as he turned to walk down the hallway. "You were in there a long time."
Sam wasn't sure what to say to that, so she kept her silence as she walked down the hallway. Daniel and Teal'c fell into step with them as they made their way to the briefing room and Sam felt a small comfort knowing that their nearness didn't bother her. She was going to survive this, she just knew it.
"Are you ready for this?" the Colonel asked as they got on the elevator.
"Yes sir," she responded quietly. Keep up the pretense Sam, she thought encouragingly.
"Good, because Hammond is getting impatient," the Colonel said. "We don't want to keep him waiting any longer than he has to."
Yes, she did. Not only did she want to keep him waiting, she also wanted to get as far away from people as she could get. She wanted to go home and crawl into her bed and hide from the world. But reality had a way of butting in and Sam knew she didn't have a choice, which is why she followed her commanding officer into the briefing room to face her fears and her shame.
They were quiet as they entered the room, as no one seemed to have anything to say. Sam, Daniel and Teal'c sat down at the table while the Colonel went over to the General's office to let him know they were there. "Hammond will be here in a minute," the Colonel said, as he came over to join them.
Sam gave him what she hoped was an encouraging smile. The smile didn't last long as she looked over at Daniel. He was going to be her biggest worry, she could just tell. He hadn't said a word to her since they'd been back, and she was hard pressed to remember if he had said anything to her after awakening on the planet that morning. He was taking this way too hard and she didn't know if she would be able to help him. Hell, she wasn't sure she was going to be able to help herself.
She and the Colonel stood up when General Hammond came into the room. He was followed by Janet Fraiser, causing Sam's heart to speed up as she worried about what her friend had told the General. She had no right, Sam thought angrily, as she glared at the Doctor. She had no right telling him anything.
Janet took in Sam's glare, giving her a reassuring smile before turning to find her own seat at the table. General Hammond took a seat, as well, while Sam and the Colonel followed suit. They were all settled in and no one had a thing to say. "Colonel O'Neill," Hammond spoke up to get the ball rolling, "Tell me what happened out there."
Sam watched as the Colonel heaved a heavy sigh, then took the bull by the horns. "I'm not quite sure what happened once we arrived on that planet sir," he said, while he stared at his hands. "I mean one minute Carter and Daniel were collecting information, while Teal'c and I were making sure there were no surprises to jump out at us, then the next I knew I woke up in a jail cell. Teal'c and Daniel each had their own accommodations right next to mine, but Carter was nowhere to be seen."
He stopped talking to look at her and she saw that he was hiding his thoughts from her again. It didn't matter this time, though. She knew what he was thinking and feeling - the exact same thing that was going through her mind. He was in deep shit, but more than that he was going to have to admit to his failure and his shame. Sam looked down at the table when the tears she had thought were no longer present threatened to make an appearance. She wished with all her heart that he didn't have to do this. The whole thing was destroying him, as it was, why did they have to broadcast it to the world?
"They came and got Daniel not long after we woke up," Colonel O'Neill said, as he continued his narration of the events as he saw them. "Two men came and took him away and left Teal'c and me to try to figure out what was going on. They wouldn't talk to us, whether it was because they didn't know what we were saying or were told not to, is beyond me."
"Some time later they brought Daniel back unconscious and then left, without answering any of my questions," the Colonel said, a little indignantly. "They came back later and took Teal'c. Daniel woke up for a second after Teal'c left, but went right back into la la land, so there were no answers from him."
Sam looked over at Daniel, wishing he would snap out of the funk he had fallen into. He was just sitting there watching the Colonel, waiting for God only knows what. Sam went back to staring at the spot on the table in front of her, quietly waiting for her turn.
"Dr. Jackson," General Hammond prompted. "What did they do to you?" Daniel just stared at the General, not bothering to speak. "Dr. Jackson?" the General asked again.
"They injected me with something that caused me to go ballistic," Daniel said angrily. "I couldn't stop myself from doing the things I did, no matter how hard I tried." He stopped then as he stared at the Colonel. "I wanted to stop, Jack. I just couldn't."
"I know Daniel," the Colonel responded quietly. "I went through the same thing, remember?"
"Yeah," Daniel said, as he went back to staring at the table. He looked so despondent and Sam found herself wishing he would just look at her. He was hurting, but so was she. She needed him and all he could do was wallow in his shame. She forced herself to stop this train of thought before she did something that would embarrass her even more.
"Colonel?" the General demanded. It was clear he wanted explanations and he was going to get them, no matter what it took.
"I can't speak for what Teal'c or Daniel did while under the influence of that drug," Colonel O'Neill said, "And I would rather not admit what I did, but I know it has to be said..."
"I raped Major Carter," Teal'c spoke up, interrupting the Colonel. He was just sitting there with his hands clasped and placed on the table while he stared straight ahead. He then turned to look directly at the General as he said, "I am relinquishing myself to you, General Hammond, and will accept whatever punishment you deem necessary."
The silence was deafening. Sam sat there trying to act as if nothing was wrong, but she found that she couldn't face any of the people sitting in that room. She stared at the table in front of her instead, all the while wishing she could just vanish into thin air.
"Just a minute," the General finally spoke up, having gotten over the initial shock. "I want to hear everything before I make any decisions."
"I was taken to the room where Carter was being held," Colonel O'Neill said. She looked up at him and was surprised to find that he was staring at her while he talked. His eyes conveyed his faith in her, even if his features didn't. She stared back at him, hearing his words as he told them all what he did, relishing in the strength he tried to give her through his gaze.
"She was chained to a wall and she was naked," he continued. "I immediately tried to kill the men who were there, but I was overpowered. They injected something into me, then left me there alone with her." He stopped speaking, although he wouldn't break eye contact with her. She watched him as he took a deep breath to fortify himself, then sat mesmerized as he continued with his story. "The drug brought out the mean side of me and all I could think about was hurting Carter. I tried to stop myself, but whatever that stuff was, it was too strong for me to fight. I took advantage of her, as well, sir." He finally looked away from her to stare directly into the General's eyes as he said, "I raped my second in command. From the way Daniel's been acting, I would hazard a guess that he did too."
"Yes I did," Daniel said, as he put his head into his hands. "God help me, but I hurt her badly."
"Did they tell you what was in the drug they were administering?" Janet asked, finally stepping up to the plate.
"They never said one word to me," Colonel O'Neill responded.
"They wouldn't talk to me either," Sam spoke up for the first time, having been bolstered by the Colonel's faith in her. "I tried to get them to tell me why they were doing that stuff to us, but they wouldn't talk to me." This last was said with anger as she remembered the pain and the shame she went through for those jerks.
"I know this may be difficult Major," General Hammond said, "But I need you to tell me what happened to you while you were on that planet." Sam saw the apologetic look on his face, and realized that he was having a hard time dealing with the news of what his people did.
"Yes sir," she responded, knowing that she was having a hard time dealing with this herself. She turned to stare at the Colonel, hoping to garner more strength from the man who just seemed to ooze with the stuff. "They were brought in one at a time and injected with the drug. I knew the minute the drug had taken over, but the men who... hurt me were not my teammates," she continued, stumbling over her words. She had started to say rape, but couldn't bring herself to utter it. "My teammates surfaced during the violence," she added as she turned to give Janet more information regarding the drug. "I saw them come out and try to fight it. They didn't want to hurt me, I could tell. The drug doesn't take complete control, like the disease we encountered in the Land of Light. They knew what they were doing and tried to stop."
Sam stopped speaking at that point, looking around at the others then aimed her next words at the Colonel. "Daniel surfaced on the way home, Colonel. You saw him." Sam heard the desperation in her voice and wondered why it was there. "Daniel!" she demanded, now looking at her friend. "You did try to stop, you just weren't strong enough."
"What do you know about it?" Daniel snarled at her, as he looked at her for the first time that day. "I wanted to hurt you Sam. I wanted it! You tell me how to deal with that!"
"You also wanted to stop, didn't you?" Sam yelled back at him, completely forgetting her resolve to remain the professional. He had no right to yell at her. "Well? Didn't you?"
"Yes," Daniel replied, going back to staring at the table, "Apparently not wanting it bad enough."
"All right people," the General said, before Sam could get up to hit her friend. "It's apparent that every one of you suffered a great deal on that planet and I am going to recommend that you all take some time to work through your feelings. I'll arrange to have Dr. Mackenzie come to spend some time with all of you. In the meantime, Colonel, I want to know how you got out of there."
"Oh come on, General," Colonel O'Neill complained. "Mackenzie? That guy gets on my nerves just from hearing his name. I'll pass on visiting with him this time, thank you very much."
"I'll make it an order Colonel," General Hammond responded dryly. "Now, you were going to tell me how you got out of there."
"Yes sir," the Colonel grumbled. Sam had to smile at that. She knew her commanding officer was going to be all right. Lord knows he had survived worse situations.
"After we all survived the first round," Colonel O'Neill continued, "They came and chained all three of us together to take us down to visit with Carter again. Apparently they thought they were in for a special treat," he said dryly and with a little anger. "Anyway, the three of us were able to overpower those bastards and we grabbed Carter and ran. Unfortunately, the leader of the group managed to inject more of the drug into Daniel before Daniel killed his ass, so we had to keep him chained up while we tried to find our way out of there."
"Did the second dose cause him to act worse than the first?" Janet asked, determined to get as much information on the drug as she could.
"I don't know," the Colonel responded with a frown. "You'll have to ask Carter." Sam shook her head at Janet, while he continued his speech. "We spent a good hour, maybe more trying to find our way out of there. We finally found a room that held our clothes and equipment, and best of all, our weapons." This last was said with a wicked smile and Sam felt a tug of emotion that she quickly pushed away. "I managed to administer some basic first aid for Carter, we got dressed, grabbed our stuff and got out of there."
"Did you run into any more of the natives?" Hammond asked.
Not until after we left the building," The Colonel answered. "There was a clearing immediately around the building and as soon as we found our way out, we made a run for the woods. We were chased by four men who were shooting arrows at us, but we were able to eliminate that threat and settled into the task of finding our way to the Gate."
"We didn't see anyone else until we were almost at the Gate," he continued. "They attacked, but we were able to get to safety. You know the rest sir," the Colonel said, looking at Sam again as he finished his story.
"What can you tell me about the drug?" Janet asked, her pen ready to take as many notes as she could manage. Sam smiled as a fleeting image of Urgo mimicking the doctor flashed through her mind.
"All I know is that I could feel the anger build up in me as it took effect. Anger, hatred and lust all rolled up and Sam was standing there looking altogether fetching while chained to the wall with nothing on," Colonel O'Neill spoke up and Sam wondered why he'd called her Sam, instead of Carter. She tried to find the answer in his face, but couldn't see past the anger and self-recrimination in his eyes.
"After awhile the drug seemed to drain me of all my strength and I passed out," he continued, now staring at Janet with a look of intense anger. "Not before I took advantage of the resources made available to me," he snarled.
"I may need to run some more tests, which means I would like to get more blood from the three of you," Janet said, apparently unaware that Sam was dying. Now she was just a resource? What the hell did that mean?
"What good would that do?" the Colonel asked, as he got a handle on the anger that was boiling just beneath the surface. "Neither Teal'c nor I have suffered from any more symptoms since we both woke up and the chances of us ever going back there to have them repeat their torture sessions are zilch, so why bother finding a cure?"
"I want to rule out future reoccurrences, as well as possible damage done to your biological systems. We have specific tests and procedures set up in order to prevent an alien influence from taking over and I insist that we follow through with them."
"Fine," the Colonel responded angrily. "Do whatever you have to do."
"I will, Colonel. First things first, I want all three of you to report to the infirmary once this debriefing is over."
"May I be dismissed?" Sam finally found her voice and spoke up before she even realized she was going to. She noticed the others staring at her in surprise and she could feel her cheeks redden. What was the matter with her? She was supposed to be the professional officer and here she was letting the world see her weakness. Get a grip, Carter, she told herself firmly. "I'm sorry sir, I don't know where that came from," she admitted with a shaky smile.
"It's okay Major," General Hammond responded. "This meeting is over anyway, unless anyone else has anything to say?" No one spoke up and Sam knew it was out of deference for her. "You are all restricted to base until further notice," Hammond continued, causing Sam to panic at the thought. "I'll make arrangements for you all to meet with Dr. Mackenzie. Dismissed!"
Sam stood up along with Janet and Colonel O'Neill when the General got up from the table, then took her opportunity to get away from them all and practically ran from the room. Oh man, was she pissed! They were all wallowing in their guilt and shame, Daniel especially, and the irony of it all had Sam wanting to scream. Just who did they think they were? She was the one who had to endure Janet's pity and condemning looks. Sam was the one who had been brutally victimized, complete with bruises and cuts, and she was the one who had to face Hammond's look of patronizing pity. She was the one who was going to have to deal with the shame and the looks from others.
She stalked down the hall heading for the elevators that would take her to her quarters on base, all the while steaming about the circumstances she was now faced with. She couldn't even count on Daniel to help her through this. He had always been her rock, someone she could talk to about anything, and here he was wallowing in his own shame, not even willing to give her the decency of talking to her about what happened.
And then there was the Colonel. What the hell was that all about? One minute he was conveying his faith in her, then the next thing she knew he was telling her she was just a resource. He could be such a son of a bitch, she raged silently. She knew that all his anger was directed at himself, but still, he could stop long enough to tell her everything was going to work out. But no, he would rather condemn himself to whatever hell he deemed was appropriate while totally ignoring what it was she needed.
And she could just forget about talking to Teal'c. That man was a virtual wall when it came to making him understand her needs. He would be more than happy to lend her his shoulder to cry on or to be there for her to rant at, but he was still a typical male. Understanding a woman was just as foreign to a Jaffa as it was to the men on her own world.
She got on the elevator and viciously punched the button that would take her to her destination. To make matters worse, she was now expected to talk to another man and tell him all about her feelings. She had the utmost respect for Dr. Mackenzie, but he was a man and Sam wanted to weep at the injustice of it all. Instead, she hung on to her rage, keeping the tears and her fears at bay with thoughts of kicking the crap out of her commanding officer. She knew that her thoughts would never come to pass, but it made her feel better when she imagined punching him just as hard as she had punched Daniel. She closed her eyes and leaned against the wall of the elevator as she visualized the look of surprise and pain on the image she had of Colonel O'Neill's face.
She could feel herself calming down. She just needed to be alone and she could only hope that the others would realize it and stay away for awhile. She got out when the elevator stopped, and walked down the hall toward her room, sighing in relief when she stepped in and closed the door behind her. She was finally alone and she had every intention of hiding out, at least until she was strong enough to face her friends again. Knowing them and the way they were acting now, she would be alone for a long time to come.
Chapter 6
Daniel Jackson was indeed wallowing in his shame and the guilt he was experiencing as he remembered in great detail what he did to Sam Carter. He seemed to take great interest in reliving the worst of his memories over and over again, trying to make sense of why he let himself enjoy the pain he had inflicted on one of his best friends.
He sat on the bed in the infirmary refusing to answer any questions he was asked, too lost in his own pain to realize the importance of his answers. God, he had raped his best friend and they wanted him to talk about trivial things?
Daniel turned to look at Jack, who was grouching about the fact that he was being stuck with another needle. Jack was taking this whole thing in stride. Daniel could see the anger his friend was hanging on to, but other than that it was just another mission gone wrong. There were times when Daniel wanted to smash his friend's face in, and this was one of those times.
Daniel glared at Jack before turning to stare at Teal'c, who had apparently decided that he was going to take whatever fate dished out to him. He had put his fate into General Hammond's hands when he'd announced that he had raped Samantha Carter and Daniel hoped that Hammond would include him in his decision. In any other circumstances, he would be facing severe jail time.
Teal'c nodded at Daniel when he noticed his stare. Daniel didn't bother responding, he just grimaced and turned to find something else to stare at. Teal'c was right in believing that they should be punished. Rape was a serious crime, no matter that they had been under an alien influence. Daniel couldn't help but remember the thoughts that ran through his head as he fought off the drug's influence. He had wanted Sam more than anything at the time. He had consciously stepped back to let his passions take over completely, while a small part of the real Daniel Jackson tried to stop the horrors, and failed miserably at it.
"Daniel?" Janet Fraiser asked as she came up to stand next to him. "Are you going to make it?" The concern in her features had Daniel's blood boiling. She had no right to worry about him, because in all honesty, he wasn't worth the effort. He had committed a horror that was totally incomprehensible to his morals and values and he wasn't sure he would ever `make it'.
"Just fine and dandy Doc. Couldn't be better," he snarled at her. He had every intention of taking all of his anger out on her, but he stopped instead, realizing that this whole thing really wasn't her fault. He stared at her, taking in the hurt look and realized that he was destined to hurt others, he might as well get used to being a jerk. "Sorry," he mumbled, now looking at the wall past her shoulder. "I'm just a little tired."
"That's okay," she said with a small smile. "You've all been through a lot. I have what I need for now. Why don't you all go and get some much needed rest?"
"I'm up for that," Jack said, as he jumped off of the bed he had been sitting on. "I'm thinking of sleeping for a week."
Daniel just stared at the man he had thought he knew. "What about Sam?" he asked.
"What about her?" Jack asked, the nonchalant look changing to something darker. Jack O'Neill knew how to hide his feelings from the world and Daniel could see the man working on doing that very thing.
"Shouldn't we go make sure she is going to be okay?" Daniel asked, wondering what was going on in Jack's mind. That guy could be so obscure sometimes.
"You go right on ahead," Jack said, as he stood there, watching Daniel. "I personally think she may want some time alone, but if it will make you feel any better, have at it."
Daniel had to admit that he didn't know what would make him feel better, but he also knew he wasn't so positive about visiting with Sam. She would start spouting off about how it wasn't his fault, while he knew better. He could feel his anger rising as he tried to push his guilt away. He didn't deserve her forgiveness.
He got up and walked out with his teammates, but he couldn't find anything to say to them. Apparently they were in the same boat, because the three of them walked down the hallway in silence. They stopped when they reached the elevator, but Jack stopped Daniel from swiping his card through the reader.
"Look Daniel," Jack said hesitantly, "I know you are thinking of going to visit with Carter, but I really think you should hold off on that for awhile." Daniel just stared at Jack, waiting for him to explain his reasoning. Surely he's going to explain why he would make such a strong statement. "I just think she may want some time alone to deal with her feelings," Jack added.
"How can you know that?" Daniel asked, genuinely wanting to know what made Jack think he knew exactly what Sam was thinking.
"I just do," Jack responded with a shrug. "Just give her some time, Daniel. She's been through a lot and there will be plenty of time to talk with her and to work on getting through this."
"What if you're wrong?" Daniel couldn't help but ask. He knew that Jack had been through a lot during his career in the Air Force, although Daniel didn't know all of the horrors Jack had gone through. And because Jack was not one to talk about his past, Daniel knew that he may never know everything that had happened to his friend prior to their meeting for the first time. He still wondered about it occasionally, and hung on to everything Jack let loose in an effort to better understand his friend, but he was well aware that Jack hid the horrors inside his own memories, keeping them hidden for reasons only Jack knew.
"I'm not wrong in this," Jack replied with confidence. "Just give her some time, maybe go see her in the morning. She's dealing with a lot of grief and shame..." He stopped at that, then sighed, "I just think it would be better to let her work through some of her anger before you go barging in to try to help her."
Daniel couldn't argue with this, especially since he wasn't so sure that he wanted to visit with the woman that he'd let down in a big way. "All right," he told Jack. "I think I'll just go to my office to see if I can get some work done."
Jack nodded at that. "I think I'm going to take the Doc's advice and get some sleep. What about you Teal'c?"
"I will attempt Kel'No'Reem so that I may gain some understanding in why I did what I did," Teal'c responded truthfully.
"According to Carter, it was the drug that caused you to do what you did," Jack said, in an attempt to ease Teal'c's shame.
"Yet, I allowed the drug to take over," Teal'c responded. "According to Major Carter, I tried to fight it, but was unsuccessful. This is not true, as you have come to know with your own experience with the drug. I can not honestly say that I really wanted to fight it."
"Do you think the drug caused us to think we wanted to do what we did?" Jack asked. Daniel couldn't help but think that Jack was reaching for straw, but he waited eagerly for Teal'c's response all the same.
"It is possible," Teal'c responded after a moment of thinking through the words. "I do remember hating myself for what I was thinking and doing. Perhaps the drug stymied the thought patterns that make up the righteous part of our thinking."
"Then that's what I will hang onto," Jack said. "I can't even imagine doing what I did to Carter, ever. The very fact that I wanted to hurt her defies everything I truly believe. And Daniel," he said, enthusiasm making his eyes light up, "We all know that you wouldn't hurt a fly unless it was spitting venom at you. That was not you out there."
"Did you think that when I accused you of being jealous?" Daniel asked quietly. He truly wanted to believe that Jack had forgiven him as much as he craved Sam's forgiveness.
"What?" Jack asked, confusion crossing his features before remembrance dawned. "Oh that. I was more pissed than anything," Jack said with a small grin. "Besides, I thought that was just a bid for freedom." The grin turned to a full smile as he added, "Carter walloped you a good one, didn't she?"
Trust Jack to enjoy Daniel's discomfort. Daniel couldn't help the small smile that turned up the corners of his mouth as he shook his head at his friend. "I deserved much worse," he replied.
"We all do, my friend," Jack said evenly, then grabbed his own card to swipe it through the reader. "Are you going to give Carter some time to work through her feelings?"
"Yeah," Daniel responded, knowing it was really because he was afraid to confront her just yet.
"Good," Jack said, as Teal'c nodded his head in agreement. "Let's meet for breakfast and talk to her then."
Daniel didn't respond. He was already trying to come up with a reason to avoid his friends, knowing that he wouldn't follow through on those reasons. He knew himself too well to think that he would let them suffer through their issues. He was too much of a busybody to not butt in. It seems that this was what he did best.
***************************
Daniel found himself standing outside of Sam's door the next morning, knocking on it to see if she was awake and ready to face the day. He had spent the majority of the evening in his office trying to concentrate on his work, but his anguish was overwhelming. Every time he focused on the transcript he was trying to translate, images of what he had done while under the influence of that drug raced through his mind. He finally left his office to find his bed, only to stay awake half the night, thinking about his inabilities to fight off the lust and passion he felt toward his best friend while they were on that planet. But mostly, he thought about the anger, pain and the shame Sam must have felt as she begged him for all that she was worth for him not to hurt her.
He was fiercely glad when he saw the bruises he had on his legs where she had kicked him during the violence and the ones on his face where she had punched him when her hands were free. He knew that he deserved much more, but he also knew that he was going to have to be the one to inflict the punishment he deserved. He seriously doubted that anything would come out of an inquisition regarding his actions while under the influence of whatever it was he had been injected with.
He knocked again when there was no immediate answer to the first knock. He briefly wondered if maybe Sam had already left, when the door opened and the woman in question stuck her head out the door. "Morning Daniel," she said, before stifling a yawn. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Daniel responded, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Great, he had wakened her. Not a good way to start a new day. "Look, I didn't realize it was so early," he added. "I just thought you might want to join me for breakfast."
She stared at him in surprise for a moment before nodding her head, "Yes," she said. "Just give me a minute to get dressed, okay?" She started to close the door, then opened it back up again. "I'll be right out Daniel, okay?"
Daniel gave her a small smile before nodding his head. "I'll wait," he told her, half hoping that this meant she really did want to be with him.
She opened the door again five minutes later, fully dressed and ready to go. "You look great," he told her, as they turned to walk down the hallway.
"Thanks," she responded, her smile lightening Daniel's mood. He hoped it meant that she really had forgiven him.
"Sam, I didn't get the chance to really apologize for what I did to you," Daniel said, hoping to clear the air once and for all. "I'm sorry for not being strong enough."
She nodded at his words, then told him, "You don't need to apologize, Daniel. I don't blame you."
"Well, I do," Daniel snapped. He could only hope that he would be able to forgive himself one of these days. Sam's forgiveness did wonders for his morale though, and he hastened to tell her that. "I'm glad you don't blame me, Sam," he said, a small smile working its way to his face. "It helps to know that."
She smiled at that and Daniel knew at that moment, the rift in their friendship would heal. She was at least willing to work with him in wading through the problems of their relationship and this knowledge gave him something to hope for. They got to the elevator and Daniel was surprised when the doors opened to reveal Jack and Teal'c as its occupants.
"Hey," Jack said, his eyes lighting up as he saw them, "We were just coming to get you guys. Do you want to join us for breakfast?"
"I'd like that," Sam said, as she got on the elevator.
Daniel joined her and turned to face Jack as the elevator carried them to their destination. "Did you get some sleep?" he asked, noticing that Jack did look a little more rested.
"Yep," Jack responded, rocking on his heels as he stood there with his hands in his pockets. "I got some well-deserved sleep. Now all I need to do is to get some food in my stomach and I'll be one happy camper."
Daniel nodded his head in agreement, suddenly realizing that he was starving. They continued their way to the commissary, while making small talk and Daniel couldn't help but think that maybe things really could go back to normal. There was no anger or tension, just a friendly camaraderie that they always shared when together.
The friendly camaraderie didn't last though. They were all sitting around a table eating breakfast when Daniel wondered aloud when they would be cleared to go off world again. Jack just shrugged while Sam said, "I don't know. Soon, I hope."
"Not until we are ready to go out as a team," Jack said. Daniel looked over at his friend in surprise, trying to figure out what he meant by that. They were a team, always had been from almost the start. Well, excluding the very first missions when Daniel felt like a duck out of water. It hadn't taken him long to fit in though, and Daniel was proud of his accomplishments over the years.
"We may need some time to heal and to forgive," Teal'c said sagely, giving Daniel some insight into Jack's words.
"I'm ready," Sam said, as she looked around at her friends. Daniel wasn't so sure he was ready, now that he thought about it. Jack and Teal'c were right, being part of a team meant being there for his teammates, and Daniel knew that the doubts brought on by his actions during that last mission could get in the way of being there for his teammates on future missions. He was ruminating on this when Jack suddenly interrupted his thoughts by grabbing Daniel's arm. Daniel looked up to see what was going on, but he ended up staring at Sam instead. Apparently Jack, who was sitting at the end of the table between Daniel and Sam, had reached out for both of them, but while Daniel had glanced up curiously, Sam had immediately yanked her arm out of Jack's grasp and sat back in her seat as she laid her hands in her lap.
"We're not ready to go out as a team," Jack reiterated, as he stared at Sam, his point clearly made.
"I'm okay," Sam insisted, as she reached a shaky hand for her fork. She then looked up, smiling at them all, before saying. "Really, I am."
"I believe you," Jack said softly. He was still watching Sam, and Daniel had the feeling that there was something more going on than they let on. He shook off this thought. They were just friends who shared similar training and beliefs ingrained into them by the Air Force. Hopefully, their beliefs included forgiving a friend for acts of violence committed against them.
"Sam," Daniel said, suddenly realizing something. "Have I apologized for what I did yet?"
"Only a thousand times," Sam responded, with a grin. The smile faded as she continued. "You guys don't have to apologize. I'm just glad that you got me out of there."
"Did you see how Danny Boy kicked that guy's ass?" Jack exclaimed proudly. "There's hope for him yet!"
"You're just now finding that out?" Daniel said, with mock indignity. "I've been an asset to this team for some time now." His own smile disappeared as memories of Sam tearfully begging him to stop floated through his mind. "Well, up until that last mission anyway," he growled, self-hatred causing him to glare at his plate.
"We are all an asset to the team," Jack insisted. "We just have to get through this. And we will, we've all been through this before."
"The Land of Light," Sam added. "It's not the same," she accused. "You were able to stop me."
"I wasn't chained to a wall," Jack countered.
"I was not affected by the alien disease," Teal'c spoke up, possibly to stop what looked like a promising argument. "This is not the same for me."
"It's close enough," Jack persisted, determined to help them all get over the guilt.
"Yes sir," Sam grumbled. Daniel could tell that she really wasn't convinced, just going through the motion.
"Carter," Jack growled. He was the optimistic one, always believing that something would come up and save the day. Daniel admired this trait in his friend, even when Daniel had his own doubts about their situation. So far, Jack was batting a thousand in predicting their successes.
"Yes sir," Sam said again with a nod of her head.
"If I remember correctly, I tried to kill Daniel when I had that disease," Jack continued, apparently hoping to get his point across. "This is the same thing. Well, except for the fact that this time we were dealing with a drug, while that other instance was brought on by a virus. But other than that, it's the same."
Sam just nodded as she gave him a tight smile, knowing when she was facing a deadlock. Jack wasn't going to back down on this and Sam knew this as well as Daniel did. Sometimes it was just better to let Jack have his way.
"So, what's on the agenda for today?" Jack asked, having decided that this topic was better off left alone.
"I'm going to work on some translations," Daniel responded, totally agreeing with Jack's decision. It was better not to argue over little things.
"I have some calculations that I want to work through," Sam said. Her expression showed her relief as she realized the conversation was heading back into safer territory.
"Sounds like fun," Jack said dryly, then turned to Teal'c. "What about you, T?"
"I will be working on my mission report," Teal'c replied. "I admit that I am unsure of how to word it."
"You? At a loss for words?" Jack responded with mock surprise. "Who would of thunk it?" He grinned at Teal'c, then added, "I'm sure you'll figure it out. Just tell the truth."
"What about you, Jack?" Daniel asked, curious as to what his friend was planning to do.
"Well, I guess I should be working on my own report," Jack said, his features clearly showing his displeasure. "But I was hoping that one of you guys would want to do something else. You know, maybe shoot some hoops, play cards, something constructive like that." This was said with such a hopeful look, that Daniel almost fell for it.
"I really should get those translations done, Jack," he said, feeling like a heel when Jack's smile faded. "And I guess I should start my own report, as well." This thought didn't go over very well for Daniel. He definitely didn't want to rehash everything he had done while on that mission, and he already knew that most of his actions were going to be left out of his report. He'll just skim over the worst parts and hope he survives the guilt.
"What will you guys put in your report?" Sam asked, the worry in her voice had all three of her friends looking at her warily.
"As much of the truth as I deem worthy," Jack responded, back to staring at her again.
"Me too," Daniel added. At least that was his intention, anyway. Sam nodded at that, her expression showing her relief, and Daniel found himself wondering what she was thinking.
"I suppose we will be scheduled to meet with Mackenzie sometime today or tomorrow," she said, trying to convey that all was well with her.
It wasn't the best thing to say at that moment, as Jack grimaced before saying, "Gee, thanks for the reminder." The grimace cleared when he saw her smile at his discomfort and Jack grinned back before adding, "Of all the memos that don't cross my desk, I hope that one gets lost as well."
The talk turned toward lighter subjects after that and Daniel was encouraged that he and his friends were going to survive this whole mess. It was going to take some time before Sam truly trusted them again, but her light-hearted manner was a soothing balm to Daniel's shame and guilt, and he knew that with time he would be able to run up to her without her flinching away. Now, if he could just learn to live with his guilt, everything would be great.
Chapter 7
The day had progressed much smoother after their talk at breakfast and Sam was feeling better by the time she had retired to her quarters. She had spent the majority of the day fully immersed in her calculations, concentrating solely on finding the solution to the problem that had plagued her for days before that fateful mission. The elation she had felt when the answer finally came to her after looking at the problem from a whole different angle made her day even better.
Her work had always been therapeutic for her. Thinking through problems and building generators from a diagram that was drawn by a 12-year girl, gave her life meaning, not to mention the thrill she got when the lasers, generators and astral calculations worked because of her efforts to solve those problems. Getting lost in the whys and wherefores helped her to focus on things other than her failures, which in turn made life much easier to live.
She sat down on her bed, and grabbed the brush off of the bedside table, working the brush through her hair while her mind drifted to the conversation she'd had that morning with Colonel O'Neill, Daniel and Teal'c. She still couldn't believe her reaction when the Colonel grabbed her arm. It had scared her half to death, although she thought she had covered that up quite well by just sitting back instead of jumping up to run screaming from the room. But the others knew her too well. They had seen through her act and were worried for her. She could see that clearly on their faces. So much for being the strong airman, she thought with disdain.
She set the brush down, wondering how she was going to get over this irrational fear. Sam didn't really fear her friends, why did she react so badly when the Colonel grabbed her like that? She knew he was only making a point, one that she couldn't ignore anymore, but it bothered her that she had reacted that way.
This was something she was going to have to overcome and she decided right then and there that she was going to conquer this fear. With that thought in mind, she got up from the bed and headed for the door. She was going to have her own talk with her friends, and she quickly opened the door and walked out of her room, heading down the hall before she lost her nerve.
She came to Daniel's door, knocking on it to attract his attention. He didn't answer, even after the second knock, so Sam moved on to her next prey. She knocked on Teal'c's door and was glad when he answered. "Can we talk?" she asked. He nodded and moved to allow her entry, but she wanted to do this right, so she just shook her head, as she smiled at him, then said, "Let's go find Colonel O'Neill and Daniel. I need to talk to all of you."
Teal'c followed her down the hall as she headed toward the Colonel's room, Teal'c's presence bolstering her nerve. The Colonel was in and she smiled at the surprised look he had on his face when he saw her. He grinned happily at her, then said, "What's up? Come on in. I smuggled some beer in, if you guys want one."
Sam couldn't help the smile that came to her face, his good mood was infectious. "Actually, sir," she said. I was hoping that we could all sit down and talk. I need to work through this and I was hoping you, Daniel and Teal'c would help me."
"Sure," he responded warily, then poked his head out the door looking for the missing person of their party. "Uh... Where's Daniel?"
"I haven't found him yet," she admitted.
"Okay. So where could he be?"
"He may still be in his office," Teal'c suggested. "Perhaps we should go there."
"Nah. Let me call him," Colonel O'Neill said. "We can talk in here. It would be more private."
Sam nodded at that. She had to be strong and being alone in a bedroom with the three men who had violated her body in such a violent way, was going to be a major test. She couldn't help the feeling of security that flowed through her when she realized that this thought didn't scare her. They wouldn't hurt her; she knew this with all her heart. And if she survived this meeting, she knew she could survive anything, including being locked up in a cell with them on an alien planet. God forbid that would ever happen, she thought fervently, all the while knowing it was probably inevitable.
She followed Teal'c into the room, but stopped when she heard Colonel O'Neill say, "What do you mean now is not a good time? You'd better get over here right now Daniel. If you're not here in ten minutes, I will hunt you down and drag your ass in here." He grinned at Sam, then said silkily, "I knew you'd see things my way, Daniel. See you in ten." He hung up the phone, then turned toward the portable refrigerator he had set up next to the dresser. "You guys want something to drink?"
Sam was amazed. She just stood there with her mouth open, staring at the refrigerator before finally finding her voice. "How did you get that in here?" she asked, still in awe that he could finagle such a feat.
"It wasn't easy," he said, with a knowing grin. "You want a beer?"
Sam couldn't help grinning back at her commanding officer as she shook her head. She needed a clear head in |
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