| |
Not Saying Goodbye
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
O'Neill took a deep breath and stepped through the doorway he'd been staring at for the past ten minutes trying to pluck up the courage to enter. He wasn't sure he could do this. He'd never been any good at this kind of stuff - losing people was something he was never ever going to get used to but this was so much worse, partly because it was Daniel but also because, unlike every other time he'd lost a man in the field, this time he had the chance to say goodbye.
`Hey, Jack.' How the hell did Daniel just accept this? How could he sound so normal? He supposed accepting your own death was far simpler than accepting the death of someone you loved. There had been many times when he and his team had expected to die and he'd found himself at peace. Even when he and Teal'c had been trapped on that submarine that was seconds from being destroyed, the fact that they would die together gave some measure of comfort. Not like this though; Daniel dying, slowly and painfully, to save a planet who hadn't even appreciated the sacrifice. It wasn't fair, dammit!
`Hey. I uh, I just wanted to... I'm really bad at this.' Oh, he wanted to all right - he wanted to scream snd shout, he wanted to smash up the gateroom, he wanted to catch a ride straight back to Kelowna and tear the heads off their so-called government officials. He wanted to beat a confession out of Quinn and he wanted to clear Daniel's name and, he was surprised to find, he even wanted to cry. Most of all, though, he wanted to pull his friend into a hug and tell him that they could fix it and that everything would go back to the way it was, but he couldn't. He was really bad at this. He couldn't even be strong for Daniel, or find the words to let him know just how important he was.
`Yes, you are. I hear that Sam thinks the naquadria might be an important discovery.' Dammit! Daniel was letting him off the hook again. He was sitting here at his friend's deathbed and Daniel was making it sound like they were having a conversation over fruit loops in the commissary. He knew there were more important things he needed to say but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
`Yeah, apparently. If we can get some. For what it's worth, I tried to get your point across to Jonas.' He'd had to try something but he didn't expect it to work - he was a man of actions, not a man of words, which was why he was finding this so difficult. Nothing he could do or say was going to make any difference to anything.
`He's in a tough position.' Typical Daniel, always seeing the other point of view. The man was going to lose his life and his reputation because of that planet and he was still trying to see it from Jonas' point of view. Sometimes it was difficult having a saint for a friend. It was going to be even more difficult not having him here at all. Well there may be nothing Jack could do to save his friend's life but he'd be damned if he'd allow them to destroy Daniel's memory too.
`You're not gonna take the fall for this. I don't care what's at stake.' He really didn't. Right now he'd be prepared to start an intergalactic war if it would clear Daniel's name.
`Why do you care?' Daniel clearly needed to hear this but Jack still couldn't trust himself to find the words for what Daniel really meant to him without losing control of his emotions. He couldn't lose it now - it wouldn't be fair to either of them.
His mind drifted back to the last time SG-1 had held a team night, what seemed like an age ago now. He and Daniel had been waiting for Carter and Teal'c to show up with the pizza and were sat watching a news report about some political figure or another.
`Oh Come on!' Daniel had protested to nobody in particular, `how is it possible to admire someone like that??'
`Don't ask me,' Jack had replied. `I'm not sure admiration is something I've ever considered.'
`You've never admired anyone?' Daniel had sounded incredulous.
`Mary Steenburgen?'
`Come on Jack, be serious.'
`How'd ya know I wasn't?'
`Jack...'
`I dunno - this whole admiration concept; it's a little too close to hero worship for my liking. I've respected a lot of people, but the admiration thing is way past respect and half way to `putting on a pedestal'. There'd have to be a damn good reason for me to really admire someone. They'd have to be pretty special'
Jack blinked and returned to the present. Admiration. He'd never really considered Daniel in that way but now he came to think about it he did admire Daniel. The man was stubborn, courageous and selfless, all traits Jack respected enormously under the right circumstances but more than that, Daniel was unerringly loyal and the best damn friend a guy could ever ask for. Daniel Jackson, more than anybody he had ever known, deserved Jack O'Neill's admiration. Jack might not be able to say goodbye to Daniel but he knew exactly what he was going to say now, and whether Daniel acknowledged it or not, Jack knew he would understand. He opened his mouth and answered the question.
`Because, despite the fact that you've been a terrific pain in the ass for the last five years, I may have, might have, uh, grown to admire you a little, I think.'
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to
Becky
|
|
|