Title: When The Time Was Right
Author: Su Freund
Email: su_freund@ficwithfins.com
Website: http://www.ficwithfins.com/
Status: Complete
Category: Angst / Romance
Pairings: Jack / Other, Jack / Sam
Spoilers: small reference to Abyss
Season: Future
Sequel/Series Info: None
CONTENT LEVEL: 13+
Content Warnings: Use of some bad language and non-graphic sexual situations.
Summary: ‘A dark haired woman next to Jack poked him in the arm. “Oops, sorry.” He continued, “this is Millie, my…um… girlfriend. Daniel, T and, last but, by no means least, Carter.” He said by way of introduction. It was all Sam could do to keep her beer in her mouth.’ Sam is devastated when she discovers that Jack has a woman in his life. The impact on SG-1, and the whole of the SGC, could be disastrous unless Jack takes action that makes him decidedly nervous
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Copyright © 2004 Su Freund
File Size: 96 KB
Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net
Author’s Note:
1. My thanks to Bonnie for her beta of this fic. What would I do without her corrections and suggestions?
2. This story ignores what is now canon from the Season 7 episode Chimera and was written before that episode aired.
3. Apologies to anyone called Millie; no offence intended.
3. On my site this fic is illustrated with a gorgeous wallpaper by Jodi Marie, which contains some of her forever marvellous photo manipulations. Direct link:
http://www.ficwithfins.com/su%20fics/Ship/When%20the%20Time%20Was%20Right.htm
When The Time Was Right
“Hiya Kids!” O'Neill was all smiles. “Drinks anyone?” he waved in the general direction of the team and the bar. A dark haired woman next to Jack poked him in the arm. “Oops, sorry.” He continued, “this is Millie, my…um… girlfriend. Daniel, T and, last but, by no means least, Carter.” He said by way of introduction.
It was all Sam could do to keep her beer in her mouth. Her stomach suddenly turned somersaults. Girlfriend? Jack had a girlfriend? Since when? Who the hell was this woman? Trying her best to appear friendly and casual, she looked closer at the woman.
Millie? For crying out loud, who had a name like Millie? Only hookers had names like Millie. This was no hooker, not unless she was very high class indeed. She was dressed in designer clothing, very smart / casual. Her makeup was perfect, not a hair out of place. And what hair she had. Long dark curls framed an extremely attractive face. Sam gulped helplessly, excusing herself to go to the bathroom.
“Drink Carter?” Jack called, cheerily.
“Sure, sir. Another beer please.” Internally, she recited 'act normally, act casually'.
In the bathroom she leaned over one of the basins, taking deep breathes to get herself back in control. The others didn't seem surprised about Millie, the fact that this woman existed in Jack's life. How come she didn’t know about her? Obviously Jack hadn’t thought her important enough to mention it to. Oh my god!
She knew she had no hold over Jack. It wasn’t as if they had that sort of relationship, or as if they ever could while he was her CO. Nevertheless, she felt sick; angry and upset that he didn't even think highly enough of her to tell her about it. As if she was no longer important to him. She gasped at the truth of it. She really was no longer important to him. He’d moved on, found someone else.
Why hadn't she realised, before now, that his feelings had changed? She hadn't noticed any change in his attitude towards her, or been aware of any banter between Jack and the others that might have given her a clue about this relationship he was having. He looked happy, goddamn him!
Then she felt guilty for thinking that. How could she deny him some happiness? He deserved something, someone in his life. He couldn’t have her, clearly no longer even wanted her. He should have told her, though; let her down gently instead of ramming it right in her face. She could have moved on too. Some hope of that, she thought bitterly. She loved Jack, thought he felt the same. Until now, she had continued to hold onto some hope of a future with him, when the time was right. Now? What was she going to do now?
Sam determinedly held back the tears that were trying force themselves from her eyes. If she stayed here much longer they’d be sending that woman in to check up on her. She was a Major in the US Air Force, Goddammit! She could keep this under control. No way did she want Jack to even guess at what she might be feeling. However, her over active brain wouldn’t let her off that easily. She became angry with Daniel, and Teal’c. Both of them knew how she felt about the Colonel; neither had thought to give her any warning of this.
Then her anger swung back to Jack. He had the temerity to turn up with his girlfriend when he knew she would be here. Flaunting it in her face, the bastard! He was clearly showing her that he no longer had any feelings about her, or expectations for a future together. Did it give him some sort of thrill to hurt her like that?
Crap! She wanted to go home; leave them all here to get on with enjoying themselves, while she wallowed in misery and self pity. She could work herself up to a huge temper and scream and shout at him; punch the bastard in the face or something. He deserved it.
She knew that she would do none of those things. If she went home now it would be pretty obvious why. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Nor would she shout at him, or punch him in the face. That too would give him the satisfaction. Besides, he’d probably have her up on charges. She was determined to show nothing, act as if it was perfectly alright with her that he’d gone and fallen for another woman. She’d show that son of a bitch.
Sam pulled herself together and, looking in the mirror, was satisfied that her mask was firmly in place. Even if she said so herself, she looked pretty damned hot. She sighed, remembering how she bought this top with Jack in mind. He seemed to like her dressed in blue and this colour matched her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she rejoined her friends, and the laughter and conversation, seemingly as if nothing had happened. She was proud of her performance and figured she probably deserved an Oscar.
Jack's own performance was worthy of the Best Actor award. He was thinking how beautiful Sam looked tonight, had noticed her blue top as soon as they walked in. It suited her; hugged her lean frame tightly, showing all her curves to glorious advantage, and it matched her eyes.
He had never intended for Sam to find out about Millie this way. He wouldn't ever want to hurt her. Unfortunately he’d been unable to start the truck and Millie offered him a ride. She also insisted on coming in to meet his friends. He didn’t want her to but how could he say no? Her unexpected arrival that night had put him somewhere between the proverbial rock and hard place.
He felt obliged to pretend that he felt something about her, that he wanted her to meet his friends, get involved in his life. It was all a lie; a fake. He was good at doing that; with his both love and work life. He’d been a love ‘em but leave ‘em kind of a guy when he was younger; thrown women away easily with no heartbreak, at least for him. Then he’d met Sara and it had all changed. Then Sam. She changed him so fundamentally that he would be eternally grateful to her no matter what the future held. It now looked to him like his future didn’t hold much of anything. Sam seemed not to give two hoots about him and Millie.
He’d met Millie at a friend's wedding about three months ago. Greg was getting married for the fourth time. Jack never knew how he paid all the alimony; didn't like to ask. The ceremony and the party afterwards, were dreary. Jack didn't know anybody there apart from Greg, who'd lost touch with all the other people they had in common after he'd split from his second wife.
Millie was seated at his dinner table, probably because they both came alone. She wrote for a fashion magazine, the sort of thing that Sam didn't even know existed, and wasn't at all Jack's type. Somehow, they got along alright; she made a play for him, and kept him close to her all evening. They disappeared early from the boring party and, cutting most of the preliminaries, went back to her hotel and had sex. He'd kept wishing she was Sam.
Jack's heart was cold to Millie, but he pretended warmth. He felt nothing, except a little sexual gratification. He figured that he didn't ever feel much of anything anymore, except maybe for Sam, and his team. Being with Millie did nothing to melt that icy heart, although he very much wanted it to. His almost desperate desire was to determine that he could still feel something; almost anything. Generally speaking, pain and loneliness were his two greatest bed fellows.
He felt a little guilty that he didn’t really care much about Millie. He had needed… someone. Frankly, he had needed Sam, but knew he couldn't have her. He could bear the loneliness no longer, thinking he'd go crazy without someone in his life that cared about him; desperately needing some love and attention, someone he could call his own. Millie had come into his life when the time was right. She was attractive enough, good company, was fine in bed. However, if she disappeared out of his life tomorrow he would sigh and get on with it; probably wouldn’t even miss her.
It was just a fling, some fun. Millie wasn't in love with him anyway. For her it was almost as casual as it was for him - almost. She lived miles away and they only saw each other every couple of weekends or so anyway. This visit was a surprise and she insisted that he still go to meet his friends as arranged. She would be warming the bed up for when he got home later. In fact they’d warmed it pretty well before they'd even left the house. The sex was all that kept it alive for Jack; it was the only time he felt anything.
The woman he really cared about was sitting right opposite him now; it was as simple as that. However, she didn’t seem to give a damn. He’d guessed right about that but it still smarted. He had prayed that this thing with Millie wouldn’t hurt Sam. His prayers were answered all right. It hurt like hell that she cared so little. He secretly wanted to see some kind of reaction from her, but there wasn’t a flicker. Bitterly disappointed, it seemed that his life had just been flushed right down the toilet. He guessed that, subconsciously, he had still held onto hopes that had now been well and truly crushed.
After one drink, Millie left the team mates to themselves. Jack said he'd get a cab home. She whispered something about a sexy negligee she'd brought with her especially, and smiled at him seductively. Sam nearly lost it right there and then. She was mentally calling Millie all the names under the sun, then realised that it wasn't Millie's fault that Jack was a total screw up. It was him that deserved the name calling.
Daniel could not believe what was happening. When Jack walked in with Millie he wondered what the hell he was playing at. Jack had mentioned Millie to him, and Daniel said he should tell Sam. Jack was so insistent that it was only a casual thing and Sam didn't need to know yet. He'd tell her eventually, when the time was right. He never got around to the telling her part. To him it seemed presumptuous, as if he assumed too much by even suggesting she would be interested in knowing about Millie. He had thoroughly convinced himself that she no longer considered him anything more than a friend.
Turning up here with his lady friend tonight, when Sam was around, was one of the dumbest things Daniel thought he'd seen Jack do. The guy was not exactly tact personified at the best of times. This did not appear to be the best of times.
Daniel felt deeply for Sam and the pain she must be feeling right now. She was cleverly hiding it, but Daniel thought he knew better. She never spoke of her feelings for Jack, but Daniel knew they existed, nonetheless. Just as he knew Jack's existed for Sam.
He felt uncomfortable and could see Teal'c felt it also. They eyed each other occasionally, speaking without any words of their sorrow and anger at O'Neill's lack of regard for Sam's feelings. Daniel didn't know what Jack thought about Millie, he refused to be drawn on the subject, but Daniel was certain that he was still madly in love with Sam. He sure had a funny way of showing it. God, Sam deserved an Academy Award for this performance.
Sam was at the bar getting the drinks and a guy started taking to her. They became quite animated. Daniel thought she was being overly flirtatious; too bright a star. When he glanced at Jack, he noticed narrowed eyes looking in Sam's direction. Did the guy have the audacity to be jealous? What right did he have? He was so angry that he wanted to thump Jack but knew he didn't have a hope in hell of beating him, even in a fair fight. He'd zap him with his brains, wit and invective, when the time was right.
Jack muttered something about helping Sam with the drinks and sauntered over to the bar area. Teal'c raised his eyebrows, moving to get out of his seat to follow, concerned about what O'Neill might say or do, but Daniel put a restraining arm on him, whispering for him to leave it. It wasn't a good idea to get involved right now.
"I must protect MajorCarter." Said Teal'c, firmly.
"Wait to see if she needs protecting first, Teal'c, ok?" Teal'c nodded his agreement and sat back in his chair once more.
"You ok Sam? Need a hand?" Jack eyed the guy she was talking to, making his meaning clear. Is this guy bothering you? Jack looked a little like a predator stalking his next victim.
She smiled happily at Jack, a big fake smile. Jack was too caught up in his own confused feelings to notice that the smile didn't reach her eyes.
"No sir, it's fine. This is Nick."
Knowing that he was hardly in a position to push it, and Sam clearly indicating that it was none of his goddamned business, Jack merely nodded to both of them and picked up the drinks, taking them back to their table. Sam totally failed to see the pain in his eyes. She called after him.
"I'll be back over in a minute, Colonel." She'd show that bastard how little she cared about him and his floozy.
Jack was virtually silent when he got back to the table and Daniel tried to get a conversation going to break the increasing tension. He could see Jack surreptitiously watching Sam and the guy, while feigning disinterest. Once again he felt the urge to thump him, hard. Look a little closer Jack and you'll see right into her heart, he thought.
Sometimes he despaired at Jack's lack of insight into people and their feelings. He could be great at it sometimes, he wasn't a good team leader for nothing, but at other times he seemed to keep his eyes and mind very tightly closed. It bugged the hell out of Daniel. The guy was a mass of contradictions.
As Jack watched Sam flirting with the guy, Nick she'd called him, he thought about how he had lost her a long time ago. Jealousy would get him precisely nowhere. It was a destructive emotion and he should try to control it. For crying out loud, at least he felt something. Careful what you wish for O'Neill; this was Sam.
Sam. How often had he bitten his tongue to stop himself calling her name instead of Millie's? He yearned for Sam so much that, when he had sex, he saw her face instead of Millie's. He refused to call it making love; he only wanted to make love to Sam.
He pondered his relationship with Millie. What had he been thinking? Was he crazy? Then he recalled that he almost was going nuts when he'd met her. A moment of despair; he still got them sometimes, like when Charlie died. He could feel himself tipping slowly over the edge on occasion, but he always managed to pull himself back. His feelings for Sam, having her around, helped him to do that. She made him feel something, and she was worth living for. What now?
Millie knew nothing about him except that he was a Colonel in the US Air Force, liked hockey, and pizza. He kept wondering what they found to talk about. Talking hadn't mattered; the sex had. That was all.
Sam, on the other hand, knew him only too well. It was scary how well sometimes. That’s probably what put her off him, he thought bitterly. Frankly, he never had understood what she saw in him in the first place.
He’d thought for some time now that she’d lost interest in him. She could flirt with him more easily than she used to; get more involved in the silly banter. She'd never been as comfortable doing that before, and he took it as a sign that she'd mentally moved on from him and so could now just treat him as a friend.
If that’s all he could get, he’d take it. The idea of her not being in his life was too much to bear; so he’d take what she would give. It didn’t stop his heart from breaking though. That was why he decided to let Millie’s moves on him bear fruit. He couldn’t go forever without someone, without sex. He'd been like a priest since he’d realised how he felt about Sam. That wasn’t him, although, if he'd genuinely thought she felt anything anymore, he would have waited; forever if necessary.
His eyes narrowed again as he watched. Was Sam giving that guy her phone number? She was giving him something. God, she's coming back, he thought, try to act like nothing happened Jack. You feel nothing, O'Neill. Sam's your 2IC, that's all. All it ever really was and would be. Inside he was shattered, but none of that showed in his face. It was his turn to fake the big smile as Sam came back to the table.
After that, the rest of the evening might have been an ordinary night out with the team; on the surface. Within each of them something smouldered, the first sparks of a fire that could raze a swathe through their friendship, and the team.
Daniel wanted to knock their heads together. Scream at them to forget the regs and just be happy; love one and other. In truth, he admired their desire to respect the regulations and act honorably. He could understand the need for that particular regulation, even though he was no great believer in the military regs. However, all these bottled up emotions between Jack and Sam were a huge mistake and he was scared it built into something so much worse. He feared disaster.
When Jack got home that night he asked Millie to leave; it was over. Even the sexy negligee couldn't tempt him. He was done with it; couldn't stand the pretence anymore. Feeling like a heel, he called her a cab to take her to a hotel, paid for her room on his credit card. He was alone again.
Back on duty at the SGC, Jack and Sam, SG-1, got on with the job in what appeared to be the usual way; the atmosphere was a little strained. Three weeks later, Jack learned that Sam was seeing that Nick guy and his heart broke just a little bit more.
********
6 weeks later:
O'Neill had been looking all over the base for Carter. As he turned the corner he almost bumped into General Hammond coming the other way.
"General." He acknowledged. "Oh, sir, have you seen Major Carter?"
"She’s taken a few days leave, Jack. She told me she’d already cleared it with you." Hammond's eyes narrowed, suspiciously. He'd noticed that things between the members of SG-1 were a bit off-balance lately. "Didn’t she clear it with you, Colonel?"
“Yes, Sir. Sorry Sir. It slipped my mind.”
He smiled, to conceal his confusion. What the hell was Carter playing at, taking leave without speaking to him about it? He was her CO, for crying out loud. He was angry with her, but nevertheless felt the need to protect her and cover for her. Despite her behaviour, he didn’t want to get a member of his team into trouble. He would deal with it. That was his job. Boy he’d give her a piece of his mind when he saw again. He felt let down and disappointed in her. Why the hell hadn’t she mentioned it to him? He guessed she probably wanted to go away for a few days with that Nick guy. He swallowed the emotion rising in him at that thought. Maybe she'd been too embarrassed to ask him. It was insufficient excuse for not asking your own CO about leave. She went above his head, for crying out loud. That was unforgivable. He'd have her cleaning out latrines with a toothbrush before he was through with her.
She'd been distant lately and he'd missed her friendship. He figured her head was in the clouds over that Nick. Perhaps she was trying not to rub it in too much so was avoiding him where possible. She must know he was hurting. Although maybe not; she probably had the impression that he didn't give a damn. He'd tried hard enough to create it. God it was him that originally found someone else, so why would she think he cared in the first place? Perversely, he was glad she probably didn't know how upset he was; it saved a little of his wounded pride.
********
Sam had tried to suppress her feelings for Jack, and her pain at his loss. She buried herself in her work, but when Nick called to ask her on a date she’d thought what the heck? He was around the same age as her, and very good looking.
So they’d gone out a couple of times, the first time for dinner, the second to the movies. On the third date, he’d made his move on her, asking her back to his apartment for a drink, and to stay the night. Once again, Sam thought, what the heck? The Colonel was no doubt screwing that Millie woman night and day; as often as he got the chance. Damn him to hell! Despite her best efforts she couldn’t get Jack out of her mind.
Nick wasn’t very good in bed and, because at heart she cared nothing for him, or a relationship with him, she never bothered to tell him what she wanted or needed from sex. Sam faked it and sex had quickly become a chore. She kept imagining him to be Jack and it drove her nuts. Although she anticipated that she would never have needed to fake it with Jack. He oozed sex appeal, at least in her mind. She simply couldn't imagine that he wouldn't be good at it but had lost her chance to find out and regretted that.
Sam was disappointed in Nick. It was so long since she'd actually had sex that she relished the idea of it. However, it wasn't the person she wanted to be with. That person didn't want her anymore. It was probably just as much her fault as Nick’s that the sex was crap. She just couldn't respond to him in any way that was real. A part of her heart died when Jack walked in the room with Millie.
The relationship with Nick only lasted a couple of weeks or so. In the end she tired of it; longing for Jack, and seeing Nick in the spare time she'd rather be doing something else with. She thought she'd rather take up knitting. The whole thing started just to show that bastard O'Neill that she could manage perfectly well without him. If he didn't want her, there were plenty of men out there that did. She never really wanted it.
Nick seemed shallow and immature. She laughed at the notion that anyone could be more shallow and immature than Jack was sometimes. With Jack it was different. Although often irritating, she knew that it was all part of the Jack O'Neill show. Nick didn't stand a chance; who could when held up in comparison to The Great Colonel O'Neill? Not so great; just a great bastard.
It got to the point where she couldn't take anymore. Seeing Jack every day, her heart torn asunder by him, was intolerable. She had to get away from the SGC, have time to think about her future without the distraction of work, of him. She arranged the leave and called her brother to organise a visit to San Diego. Perhaps her family was the thing she needed right now. At least it got her away from Jack.
She knew he would be pissed when he found out she’d gone without mentioning it to him. Frankly, she didn’t care if he was. Ok, so she should at least consult her CO about taking leave, but she wasn’t sure he would be her CO for much longer. She was contemplating a transfer request, out of the SGC, uncertain that she could bear to face him anymore
*******
A few days later, Jack was summoned to Hammond’s office. Seeing the look on the General’s face, he knew it was something serious.
“Sit down, Colonel.” The General indicated the chair opposite him.
“Sir.” Jack sat, half dreading what Hammond might want to talk to him about.
“It’s Major Carter, Jack.”
‘Oh crap, what now?’ went through Jack’s mind.
“She’s requested a transfer, away from the SGC; doesn’t want to come back here. All she says is that it’s for personal reasons.”
Hammond watched Jack’s face carefully as he spoke and saw the shock register. Jack had paled.
“Any idea why, Jack?”
“What? I… god! A transfer? I…I…”
Jack was finding it difficult to be coherent, his usual professionalism gone. Transfer? He was going to lose her altogether? He hadn’t anticipated that. Hammond was surprised by Jack’s obvious shock; O’Neill was the consummate professional, not given to letting his personal feelings distract him, or show in his face.
“I… have no idea sir.”
“I've noticed that things seem a bit strained in your team lately. Has anything happened that I should be aware of?”
“N… no sir.”
“I’m holding her request, Colonel. Before I put it through I want to know why we’re losing one of our best people. I need you to find out; try to persuade her to stay if possible.”
“Me, sir?”
Jack gulped at the idea. He was the last person on earth that she was likely to talk to. He wanted to confront her about this about as much as he wanted to face re-capture and torture by Ba’al. Ba’al might even be preferable.
“She’s at her brother’s in San Diego. Here’s the number. Call her Jack.”
“I… sir… wouldn’t it be better to ask Daniel?”
“You are her Commanding Officer, son. I expect you to do it.”
"Yes, sir.” Jack stood and saluted his acknowledgement, taking the piece of paper from Hammond’s hand, and left his office in a daze.
Hammond pondered O’Neill’s reaction. He hoped that his faith hadn’t been misplaced. He had trusted O’Neill and Carter to manage their feelings for each other and get on with the job. Had he made a mistake? Was this problem personal; something between O’Neill and Carter? He certainly hoped not.
Jack was stunned. He sat in his office fiddling with the piece of paper Hammond gave him. He already had this number; he had all the numbers for his team, where to reach them when they weren’t at home, just in case they were needed. Sam had even slipped him a note giving him Nick’s number. It served to twist the knife even further into his wounded heart.
She’d gone to her brother’s? Had she taken Nick with her for a cosy family get together? Maybe it was getting serious between them and she was leaving because her job and the relationship didn’t sit well together. The idea made him sick at heart. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know why she was leaving. How could he deal with that?
A number of times he picked up the phone starting to press the digits, but couldn’t bring himself to call. Maybe tomorrow, maybe from home. Looking at his watch, he realised it was probably time to get himself home. That might be the best place for him. He needed to recover his composure before plucking up the courage to make the call. Go home, relax a little, then call. Relax? Who was he trying to kid? Don’t kid a kidder, Jack, he thought, lying to yourself does not become you.
With a heavy heart he left for the day. Tomorrow. Yeah, he’d call her tomorrow.
********
Sam called Daniel to tell him her decision about the SGC. He tried to talk her out of it; she wouldn't tell him why. He knew why, but had been attempting to get her to talk to him about it. He'd vainly struggled to get one or the other of them to open up to him over the last few weeks. It was like trying to crack open a rock with a penknife. Now he was good and mad at Jack. This was all his fault, the jerk.
By the time he got to Jack's front door he was feeling confrontational. When he saw Jack it deflated him. He was visibly shaken, pale, and upset. He didn't have the heart to shout at the poor guy. He wondered if Jack had been drinking but could see no evidence of it in the house. Not drunk; depressed.
Since he'd got home, Jack had done virtually nothing but think about Sam; about never seeing her again. He had not believed that day would come. Stupid of him. When Daniel arrived his first instinct was to tell him to go away and leave him alone. Then he thought better of it. The company might help give him cold comfort. He went to make coffee, got totally side-tracked by wallowing in self pity, so Daniel ended up forcing him to sit in his living room while he made it. Jack had hardly said a word to him since he arrived.
Eventually, Jack broke the silence.
"You're her friend, Daniel. Why's she leaving us?"
"You really don't know?"
"You think I should?"
"God Jack, you can be such an idiot sometimes."
Jack just stared at him, dumbly.
"Tell me how you would feel if Sam turned up in a bar to meet you and your friends, with a handsome man hanging on her arm?"
"What? This has got nothing to do with that!"
"Jack, for Christ's sake open your eyes. You broke Sam's heart. You turn up flaunting your girlfriend in front of her?" Daniel's voice was rising, despite his sympathy for the man sitting opposite him, "Whispering about naughty negligees and keeping the bed warm for you. Then you have the temerity to be jealous of another guy chatting her up."
"Daniel, that's ridiculous. She didn't care for one minute that Millie was with me. That was pretty clear. I'd lost her a long time before that."
"What makes you think that?"
"Things had got so comfortable between us, she seemed so much easier around me than she ever had been."
"And you saw that as a bad sign?" Daniel said incredulously.
He was astounded that Jack was actually speaking to him like this. Jack, who kept his emotional cards very close to his chest, and rarely talked about his feelings. However, when he saw Jack shrug, his anger increased.
"How dare you shrug as if you didn't care when you so clearly do. We are losing one of our friends here, one of the team, and all you can do is shrug? You are a selfish ass, Jack. So caught up in your own feelings and insecurities, your self doubt, that you can’t even see how much Sam cares about you. That's what drove her away. You drove her away!"
"Don't say that, Daniel, please…" Jack’s voice was cracking up.
"It's true!"
"Is that what she said?"
"She didn't have to say it. Do you really think she ever would? She's as stubborn and full of pride as you are, you stupid son of a bitch!"
Daniel was so vehement that Jack wondered whether it really was true. Why would Daniel say it if it weren't true? He gasped at the realisation, and shuddered. He'd really screwed it up this time.
“She looked and acted like she didn’t give a damn, Daniel.” Jack insisted stubbornly. Daniel could almost feel the pain emanating from Jack like it was a tangible thing.
“Appearances can be deceptive, Jack. You of all people should know that. You’re a master at hiding behind a façade.”
“Crap!”
“It’s not crap, Jack. It’s true!”
“I didn’t mean… shit! It doesn’t matter what I meant.” Jack shouted, then continued in a more subdued tone. “What do I do Daniel?”
“Go to San Diego.”
Jack looked up, surprised. Go to San Diego? Sam would probably shut the door in his face.
“I can’t do that Daniel. I don’t think Sam would…”
Daniel interrupted, angrily. “Jack! Are you really going to let your stupid stubborn pride get in the way of this? Don’t be more of a fool than you have been already!”
He knew Daniel was right; he was foolish, stubborn, and proud. It had probably screwed things up for him more than once before now. He leaned back in his seat, sighing loudly and rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair. Goddammit! Then he looked hopefully at Daniel.
“Wanna come with?” The idea of going it alone made him so nervous that he felt queasy; he needed some moral support.
“You’re kidding right? If I’m right, you are the only one that can handle this Jack.”
“If you’re right? What if you’re wrong?”
“Stubborn pride again Jack? What do you have to lose?”
He’d lost so much already. Although it filled him with dread, he knew that Daniel was right, once again, and resigned himself to the inevitable. He’d speak to Hammond and persuade him that the personal touch was better than a phone call. As it turned out, Hammond was easily persuaded. The next morning Jack caught a flight to San Diego.
**********
Sam had always imagined there was only one thing on Earth that could make her leave the SGC; Jack O'Neill. She was right, but not in the way she had anticipated. She sometimes day dreamed about leaving to get on with a 'real' life, one that involved Jack and kids, the whole relationship and family thing. Often, she wondered whether her work at the SGC was worth the sacrifice. She loved her job, but she also loved Jack. It was enough to confuse anyone, and tear them apart.
She guessed that, now, both her problems had been solved. She'd lost everything she loved. Except her family; they were still there. However, she was closer to SG-1 than she had been to her own family for years, despite her reconciliation with her brother. This would also mean that she'd see a lot less of her father, who was the one member of her family she was closest to. This bothered her.
However, she would learn to live with it. She couldn't go on like that at the SGC. Seeing Jack each day merely served to remind her of what she'd lost. His loss was the most devastating to her. Never before had she truly realised quite how much he meant to her. Sure, she knew she loved him, but the lack of him in her life left a gaping hole that the SGC and the rest of the team would not fill alone. She understood that now. If only she had the option, she knew what she would choose.
A few years ago, she had chosen otherwise. She had decided to keep it in the room. Jack had wanted that too, although she wondered whether he would have chosen differently if she'd given him an alternative. Neither wanted to give up the SGC; it seemed more important. Now she had no choices or alternatives left open to her.
She imagined herself older; a hard, bitter and friendless old maid of a Colonel or General, grumpy and morose. It was entirely possible that she'd end up with a horrible nickname like the old witch or dragon. The vision horrified her. She didn't want to become that person.
Despite all that, she had a fantasy that Jack would turn up at her brother's and beg her forgiveness, plead with her to go back, to the SGC, to him. She would disparagingly shut the door in his face and show the bastard that she wouldn't stand being treated like that. She would steadfastly refuse to talk to him, damned if she was going to show him that she cared. It was a dumb fantasy and it was never going to happen.
However, when Jack turned up at the front door, Sam was in precisely that bloody minded kind of mood. She refused to see him, speak to him, or acknowledge him. Her brother was under strict orders to deny him entrance to the house.
Jack thought, disconsolately, that Daniel had been right; it was him she was pissed with. He hated himself for being so stupid, and for hurting her that badly. He fully deserved her wrath. If only he could talk to her, just for a moment. He refused to budge from outside of the house, kept calling. However, his hope of persuading Sam to do anything positive concerning him was vaporising rapidly.
Sam was surprised by his sudden arrival on the doorstep. She hadn't truly believed that he would come here. She figured Hammond had sent him and he was doing his duty. She was too mad at him, too broken up, to face him.
Mark was unhappy about having to fend O'Neill off for her; he wished his wife were there as she would be better at it. She and the kids had gone away for a few days. Jane was pissed with Sam and her total failure to communicate with them. Sam had just sat mostly silent and exuding unhappiness. Jane was worried about the effects her morbidity was having on the children. Even they had failed to break through to her.
He knew nothing about what was going on, she hadn’t spoken of it, but he did not like being in the middle of it. It wasn't fair of her to do that to him. He told her so, that she ought to talk to O'Neill; get it over with and get rid of him. O'Neill was certainly persistent and Sam was being obstinate. He had hated that about her when she was a child.
Jack leaned against his rental car and watched the house. He was getting increasingly depressed. Any confidence that he might persuade her to forgive him was waning and he hadn't started out with much of it in the first place. He kept having imaginary conversations with her in his head. If only he could get an opportunity to test out those fantastic lines he was creating in his mind.
When it started to rain he ignored it. It became quite heavy, and he still stood there, not getting into the car for shelter. He was getting very wet. Sam looked out at him from the upstairs window. Why wasn't the ass getting into his car? He'd catch his death of cold. He was drenched from head to toe and he continued to stand there, staring up at the house. Stubborn bastard.
Daniel's' words kept playing through Jack's mind; foolish, and stubborn. He laughed to himself. Well this was certainly just about the most foolish and stubborn thing he'd ever done. He was soaked to the skin, and cold. Cold in California? Go figure.
When Sam's face poked around the opening front door he was amazed. All the fantastic lines he'd rehearsed vanished as the door opened.
"I guess you had better come in!" She called.
Grateful, he walked up to the doorway and into the house, shivering when the sudden warmth hit him.
"You idiot!" Sam admonished him. At least she was talking to him now. That counted for something.
She led him to the bathroom, searched out a couple of towels, found some clothing that probably wouldn't fit properly, then told him he could take a shower to warm up if he wanted to. Every time he tried to speak she told him not to say anything.
Mark discreetly left them to it, taking the car to a friend's house. He definitely did not want to play piggy in the middle any longer. He was in the way in his own house and he hoped Sam sorted something out quickly.
When Jack walked into the living room, Sam laughed. The shirt was too tight and pulled at the buttons; the sleeves were too short. The trousers were also far too tight, and the hems waved around his ankles. Jack was happy to be the clown, maybe it would loosen Sam up a little.
Then she shut down again and asked him coldly if he would like a cup of coffee. He nodded his agreement.
"Can I sit down, Sam?"
She indicated a chair away from her own seat. He chose a closer one. When she walked in from the kitchen, she did a double take that he had sat there, but she returned to her previous seat anyway.
Initially there was silence between them. It was uncomfortable. Then Jack broke it.
"I don’t know what to say to you Sam. I had all these great words rehearsed in my head, and they've gone."
"How about starting with 'I'm sorry', Jack?" He was as surprised by her use of his name as he was by the words. It couldn't be as simple as that.
"Of course I'm sorry Sam. You're right, I'm an idiot. Why is it that you care about such a jerk?"
"I don't know."
At least she acknowledged that she cared. It was a start. Jack breathed a sigh of relief. While he was in the shower, his depleted confidence had returned a little. She had let him in. Once he had his foot in the door he had a chance. Sam, meanwhile, had considered that the way she was behaving would just continue her along the path of ruining of her whole life. She determined to hear him out.
"Thanks for letting me come in. I guess I haven't got the sense God gave a goose…
"To know when to come in out of the rain, sir?" Sam finished.
A faint smile lit his face a little, but he felt slightly downhearted when Sam didn't respond further. He sipped his coffee, still not talking. Sam was getting impatient. What the hell did he come here for if he didn't want to say anything? Eventually, she said precisely that to him, in an aggravated tone.
"I really don’t know what to say Sam. How to persuade you to forgive me, to come back to us; to me."
"What makes you think you can say anything that will do any of that Jack?" Jack swallowed hard at her words.
"I never meant to hurt you Sam. Millie. It was a mistake; she was a mistake. I thought I'd already lost you; the part of you that might care about me."
"But you did hurt me, you son of a bitch!" The vehemence with which she said it was like a slap in the face for Jack and he flinched. "What do you mean about having lost me already? What the hell are you talking about?"
So Jack explained it to the best of his ability, just as he had to Daniel. Her reaction was almost identical.
"And you took that as a bad sign? God you're an ass!"
"I know it. I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't cut it Jack."
"Then what would you have me do or say Sam? I'll do anything. Anything you want." He leaned over and took her hand, but she pulled away.
"You flaunt the woman in your life, right in front of me? How do you expect me to feel? You never even mentioned her to me. It was cruel and insulting!"
"I know. But you've got to understand Sam. I didn't think you cared about me anymore. We were just good friends. I thought that's what you wanted. I was lonely, depressed. I desperately needed… someone. I needed to feel something again, and have someone feel something for me." Sam looked at him and saw something of that desperation in his eyes. "Goddammit Sam, I needed sex! A man can't live without it forever."
"You didn't even think to ask me." Sam's voice came out small and weak and Jack was surprised at her response.
"You made it perfectly clear that other things were more important to you. And, let's not forget those pesky regs of course."
"You're trying to push the blame on me? You think I pushed you away? You think I would have rejected you?" Jack merely nodded a response and Sam continued, "maybe you're right."
She had to accept that there was some truth in that. For example, he'd often asked her to his cabin and she always said no. They'd treated it as a bit of fun but maybe underneath it had hurt him. She hadn't dared to go, knowing full well what would happen if she did. It wouldn't have been fishing, that's for sure.
"I'm not trying to push the blame on you. I'm trying to explain. God Sam, this is hard for me."
She knew that was true. Jack wasn't very good at expressing his emotions. Neither was she. What a pair! Another long silence followed. Jack had lost it again, but knew it was for him to do the running, to find the right words.
"Sam, it's over. Millie and I are finished. I ended it that night we were in the bar. I guess it never really got started. At least not for me. I always wished she was you."
Sam's heart fluttered at that statement from him. He was incredibly open, for Jack. She envisioned him fantasising that it was her, not Millie, who he was having sex with. That thought pleased her, and she would never know how close to the truth it really was.
She thought of what he'd said about feeling something again, his loneliness and despair. She recalled that, even in the bar that night, she hadn't wanted to begrudge him some happiness, despite the circumstances. Her own selfishness had completely taken her over.
Jack sighed and continued, "I guess I kept hoping that you'd open the door to that room we shut all our feelings in so long ago, but you never did. Sam, if you are never going to be able to forgive me, tell me now. Don't let me continue making a fool of myself. I love you. It's not a lot to offer you, but it's all I've got."
The magic words. He'd said the magic words! Sam couldn't believe she was hearing them from him. She knew Jack well enough to know that those three words were not something he would say unless they were heartfelt. He meant it. He loved her. Was it enough? It was one hell of a start. She wasn't sure how to react to it; was struck dumb by the earnest confession.
When Sam failed to react to his words Jack thought there was nothing more he could do or say to persuade her. His heart broke all over again. He couldn't stay here any longer, making an ass of himself. He'd bared his soul and it wasn't enough and he had nothing left to give anymore.
"I guess I'd better be going then." He got up and moved towards the door. "I hope you have a happy life Sam, with that Nick guy."
Sam leapt out of her seat.
"No Jack, don’t go!" This time she took his hand and it warmed him considerably. "I'm never going to have that happy life with Nick, Jack. He's out of my life, was never really in it. I only did it to spite you; show you that you weren't the only man on this planet. I love you Jack. I'll always love you."
Jack thought his heart would burst through his chest, it beat so hard and rapidly within him. He smiled at Sam and lifted the hand holding his, raising it to his lips. Then he took her in his arms and held her close. The kiss started slowly but rapidly kindled a fire within them. They both needed oxygen, so they had to stop eventually.
"Sam, come back to my hotel with me. Stay with me."
He looked into her eyes to gauge whether he was going too far, too quickly, but could see that she wanted it too. So she packed, leaving a note for her brother to say she was gone, thanking him for his hospitality, and they went back to the hotel. They had a laughing fit as they walked through the lobby; people looked at them askance because of Jack's ridiculous attire.
Jack made love to her slowly and deliberately. He didn't want to rush it; wanted it to be special. Sam had been right about him, he was amazing. She had never had sex like it with anyone in her life before. He left her totally satisfied, then started all over again.
She was awed by his energy and what he could do to her body. He was pretty good for an old man, and she joked with him about that, while they lay in each other's arms. As soon as she said it, she knew she had said the wrong thing. The look of hurt that briefly displayed in Jack's face told her that. He loosened his hold on her. Although Sam didn't know it, Jack had always secretly harboured fears that the age gap between them was too wide; particularly now he was beginning to look so much older - feel it too, sometimes. Sam reached up her hand to lovingly caress his face, kissing him softly on the lips.
"Jack, I didn't mean anything by it. I was kidding."
"I am too old for you, Sam. You can't deny it and neither can I."
A look of concern now crossed his features, as if he were suddenly worried that he was all wrong for her, and this realisation would come to her any second now. Sam could feel his fear about their ages.
"If I thought that for a minute, do you think I would be here with you? I have wanted this to happen between us for so long that I've almost forgotten what I felt before we met; before I realised what I felt about you." She continued to caress him, trying to give him comfort and make her feelings plain.
"A bad habit you can't break, huh?"
Although his tone was jocular, she could see in his eyes that he meant it. She didn't know or understand why he had such a lack of self-esteem, but she sure hoped that she could help to cure it; she'd do her damnedest to try.
"No, Jack, not like that at all. A good habit that I never want to break again."
The passionate kiss she initiated, as soon as she had spoken, led to her taking him somewhere much more intimate than that. Afterwards, she could see none of that fear in his face anymore; just contentment and joy.
At first, she had been nervous. She knew that Jack must be far more experienced than her. For a start, he'd been married for ten years, and before that, who knows? She suspected he'd had quite a lot of women before he fell for one of them. It worried her that she might not please him or he'd be disappointed in her. However, she found herself responding to him and he released something in her that she had never realised existed. It was a revelation.
A comparison to the recent sex Sam had had with Nick was not even possible. That was like the ham fisted fumblings of a couple of inexperienced teenagers when contrasted with this. She had been accurate in assuming that she wouldn't need to tell Jack what to do to please her sexually. There was no need to fake it with Jack O'Neill.
Jack thought her equally amazing. For a start, she was beautiful. Her body was gorgeous, fit and well toned. She was responsive and wanted to please him as much as he wanted to please her. She was athletic and adventurous and willing to experiment. Somehow, she had the knack of finding all the right places to set his body on fire. He felt well and truly alive for the first time in a long while. Sam stimulated him and he felt something again; he felt everything. He was happy and content.
They stayed in the hotel room for most of the next day too. In the end they thoroughly exhausted themselves and could do not more. He took her for dinner that night in a good restaurant, which had been highly recommended by Daniel before he came. Daniel had said he should take Sam there, if he got the chance. Well, he got the chance, and he took it. The ambience, food and service were all good and they spent a wonderful evening together.
At one point he said, "Shouldn't this first date have come before the sex part? I always wanted to do the right thing with you Sam. Three dates, then the rabid sex." He had a mischievous twinkle in his eye and Sam laughed.
"You don’t think we waited long enough?" She retorted and Jack took her hand over the table and squeezed it, smiled dazzlingly, then followed that with a cheeky wink.
Sam shivered delightfully at that look and briefly wondered what he had been like when he was younger. No doubt gorgeous, totally sexy and irresistible. She was happy with him as he was, though. She loved his almost totally silver hair, the maturity. Although, with Jack, you had to take the immaturity as well.
They copulated like a couple of rabbits again that night, and sank into glorious oblivion in each other's arms. Jack woke up with Sam's hair tickling his nose. He gently brushed it away and lay looking at her. He wanted to wake up with her hair tickling his nose like that every morning. Sam stirred and he kissed her forehead.
"Morning beautiful." She opened her big blue eyes and kissed him on the nose.
"Morning old man." She smiled, winking at him suggestively, and captured his heart once again.
Although he knew he'd have to report to Hammond, and go back to the SGC all too soon, Jack didn't want to come back down to Earth quite yet.
"Breakfast in bed, or do you want to get up and go out?" He asked.
"Bed." She muttered, succinct, but to the point.
Jack manoeuvred the phone into the bathroom. He wanted to order something special without Sam knowing. Then he had a shower. By the time he came out, Sam was more awake. Her hair was mussed and he thought she looked very sexy like that. He wanted that sight to greet him every morning for the rest of his life.
When breakfast arrived there was a bottle of champagne and a single red rose on the tray. Sam's eyes widened.
"What's this? I'm sure they don't come as standard." She asked.
Jack picked up the red rose and handed it to her with a brief kiss.
"Because I love you Sam."
She was thrilled. So romantic; it was totally unexpected. It wasn't the only thing that had been a complete surprise to her. Everything had astonished her, ever since Jack had turned up at Mark's door. She pulled him to her for a more passionate kiss.
"Hey!" he exclaimed when he surfaced for air, "I'd love you for breakfast, lunch and dinner Sam, but the food will get cold." His smile showed his hunger for something other than food.
"So, Jack. Champagne for breakfast? That's a little decadent don’t you think?"
"Ah! Well Sam, before we open it I need to ask you something." She looked him in the eyes curiously and saw all of his feelings written there. "Marry me Sam. Will you marry me?"
Sam's heart did a back flip and she sat there gaping at him open mouthed.
"I know this is probably dumb, way too soon. This thing with us has only just started. But I…I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That's never going to change." When she still didn't respond he continued, increasingly nervous, "I know I haven't got a lot to offer you Sam. You could do a whole lot better then me…" he tailed off, unable to fill the silence anymore.
He was beginning to regret his decision to propose. What had he been thinking? He expected her to be practical, in proper Sam Carter fashion, and say that they should wait, take their time, that he couldn't expect her to make a decision like that so soon.
Instead she said, "Yes Jack. I'll marry you." Then she grinned and kissed him, affectionately. God, how did he get so lucky?
He popped the champagne and they sipped some happily, chattering and laughing. Then he made love to her again. The breakfast congealed on the plates, uneaten.
Afterwards, they held each other lovingly for a while. Then Jack decided he had no choice but to get practical, and brought their feet firmly back onto terra firma again.
"Sam. I'm gonna have to call Hammond and tell him what's going on." She looked at him askance, raising and waggling her eyebrows in a near perfect imitation of him, and he laughed, imagining Hammond's reaction if he called to tell him he was having mad passionate sex with his second in command. "I don't mean that! I mean you. The SGC."
"Jack, we can't get married while you are still my CO."
"I know."
"So, maybe my transfer request should stand. It's a way out Jack."
"No! There is no way I am letting you screw up your career for this Sam. It's not worth it. I'm not worth it."
"God Jack, you're worth a lot more than you think."
Until now she had never fully appreciated Jack's sense of self worth, or lack of it. He was better than that, deserved more, and he didn't even know it. His words tore at her heart and she caressed his face lightly with her fingers, staring up into his eyes. Then her lips lightly brushed his cheek and she whispered softly in his ear.
"I love you Jack. You're worth everything to me."
It was such an intimate thing that it almost meant more to Jack than everything that had happened between them over the last couple of days. The insides of his stomach churned excitedly and he kissed her softly on the lips. This wasn't a moment for passion; it was a moment for love.
"Sam," He whispered tenderly, "you can't ever know how much it means to me that you say that. I still can't let you go through with it, though. You love the SGC; your friends are there. Do you think I would have let you go even if this had never happened between us? I would rather have retired and never seen you again, even though it would have broken my heart.
"It's me that should go, Sam. I'm so near the end of my useful career anyway. Can you really imagine me staying around the place as a desk jockey once they ground me from gate travel? That can't be too far off, you know? I'm not young anymore. My knees play up; my back gives me trouble. You aren't getting much of a bargain if you marry me.
"Besides, Hammond, Daniel and Teal'c would never forgive me if I let you leave the SGC! And I could certainly live without those scum sucking Goa'uld and their pesky Jaffa playing their little games with my body every so often. I could do with some bits of it remaining in tact. I need to have something left for you to come home to when you're leading SG-1!" he laughed quietly and she got caught up in his laughter. Jack could always turn almost anything into a joke.
She held him close, awe struck by his obvious love for her.
"Jack, you love the SGC as much as I do. I can't have us living with regrets and recriminations somewhere down the line."
"And what exactly did you think I had in mind when I asked you to marry me Sam? That you should be posted somewhere else, miles away? That we'd only get to see each other on high days and holidays? Don't you think I haven't been thinking about it? The time's right. I should have done it a couple of years ago, but we weren't ready. I'm more than ready now. Are you?"
"Jack…" To silence her protest, he kissed her again.
"No arguments, Sam. Anyway, I can stay at home and raise the huge number of kids we're gonna have. I could be the perfect house husband; running around cleaning up the mess while you take the team through the gate and kill those bastard Goa'uld quickly so you can come home to me!" he hesitated and then added, "You do want kids, don't you?"
"What would you say if I told you I didn't?"
Sam was in earnest and Jack's heart almost stopped beating. He should never have taken such a thing for granted. It was her that had to bear them, even if he raised them. She would have to give up gate travel while pregnant, be stuck in the lab doing experiments that doctor's were sure would not be detrimental to the health of their baby.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed…"
He saw the look on her face and realised she was worried that he wanted the children, more than he wanted her. How could she think that? He loved her more than anything; the events of the last few days, few weeks even, had taught him that valuable lesson, before it was too late.
"I love kids, you know that. Sure, I'd love more of my own. But if it's just you and me, Sam, that's fine by me. It's you I really want, above everything else."
"Actually, I'd love kids Jack. Really I would."
She smiled up at him but, before she could say anything more, he kissed her again, then started to do things to her that drove her wild with desire for him. They made love in the tenderest way possible then, afterwards, he called the SGC and told Hammond he was bringing Sam back with him; arranged their flight, and took care of everything.
When they eventually got back to the mountain, Jack immediately went to Hammond's office to report.
"So you managed to persuade her to come back, Colonel. Good job." Hammond congratulated him.
"Yes sir, but I think you should, um, take a look at this." Handed the General an envelope and Hammond looked at him curiously. “I’d like retire Sir, as soon as you can replace me. That's my application.”
"Jack…?" Hammond looked surprised and was about to open his mouth to say something.
"This is for real, sir. You aren't going to persuade me to stay. I can't stay as leader of SG-1 anymore." He swallowed, bracing himself for what he was about to say, "I'm getting married… to my second in command, Sir."
Then he winced slightly, worried what Hammond's reaction might be. Technically speaking, he and Sam had been breaching the regulations over the past few days. Her transfer had never been approved so she was still his second.
Hammond got up from his desk and reached his hand out to Jack.
"Congratulations son, I'm happy for you both."
So that Hammond didn't jump to any conclusions, Jack explained hastily,
"General, I want you to know that Sam and I… we never did anything unbecoming officers before… well, until the last couple of days, that is." He winced again.
"I don't think I'll be putting you up on charges, Jack, if that's what you're worried about." Hammond smiled and Jack thought he detected a low chuckle with the words.
"Actually, sir, I was more worried about Sam, her career."
"Jack…"
"Sir, if my position was different, if I was retiring for different reasons, I'd be recommending that she take over as leader of SG-1. I know I'm not in a position to suggest that anymore but, well…" he shrugged.
"Well, you've sown the seeds, Colonel, as if it wasn't something I'd consider anyway. So, I'll take it under advisement." He smiled at Jack. "There will be no black marks against Major Carter's record over this, Jack. You came straight here, told me about it. You've even retired. I don’t think you need to beat yourself up about anything. I would prefer that you reconsider your retirement, though, Jack. You don’t have to leave the Air Force."
"Can you imagine me pushing paper around for the next few years? Give me a break." Then as an afterthought added, "Sir."
"That wasn't what I had in mind Colonel O'Neill. Will you agree that I hang on to this for a couple of days while I make some calls?" he waved the envelope at Jack.
"Yes sir." Jack wondered what he could possibly have in mind but didn't press it. If Hammond wanted to tell him, he would. "Um, sir. You should be aware that, if you hang onto that, two of your officers are going to be in severe breach of regulations over the next couple of days." Jack smiled, hoping Hammond would take it well, and he did. This time, his chuckle was more obvious.
"Ok, Jack. Have it your way. I am relieving you of command of SG-1, effective immediately." Jack nodded.
"Yes Sir." Knowing he was dismissed, he turned to leave the office but Hammond stopped him.
"Congratulations, again, Jack. Pass my best regards on to Sam for me would you? You're a very lucky man."
"Don’t I know it, sir?" Jack's parting grin could have powered the Stargate for a week.
He left to find Sam, knowing she would be with the rest of SG-1 somewhere, and found them all closeted in Daniel's office. When he walked in, he had a very serious and sorry look on his face.
"Well, I've been relieved of my command of SG-1 effective immediately." He made it sound as if was a punishment.
Daniel and Teal'c were both opened mouthed with surprise while Sam moved immediately to his side.
"What happened? Is he going to press charges?" Jack laughed in response.
"No actually. He sent his congratulations, by the way." Sam smiled and hit him lightly on the arm as a reprimand for him winding her up.
"Congratulated you? On what, Jack?" Daniel said, concerned for his friends. He was unable to bear the suspense any longer. Sam had steadfastly refused to say what had happened in San Diego, waiting for Jack to arrive. Jack beamed at him.
"Oh, didn't Sam tell ya? We're getting married."
Daniel's face was a picture.
"Married? Wow… congratulations!"
He gave Sam a huge hug and peck on the cheek, genuinely happy to see this day come. He turned to Jack and shook his hand, then smiled joyfully and took Jack in his arms to give him a hug too.
"No pecks on the cheek, Daniel, ok?" Jack sniggered and Daniel tutted his disapproval at his sarcasm.
Teal'c was also smiling, very broadly for him. He did that a lot more these days. His smile was now very human, where once it had seemed so alien. He lightly took Sam's arm, then pulled her into his massive arms and embraced her affectionately. It was not a typical Teal'c response to anything and Sam was delighted by it. Then he stepped over to face O'Neill and bowed to him slightly, a smile still on his face.
"I am extremely happy for you O'Neill. The time is now ready."
"That's 'the time is right' Teal'c." Jack corrected, returning Teal'c's smile and clapping him on the arm.
The next thing Jack did surprised them all, because he took hold of his lover and kissed her passionately right there in front of them. That was an eyeful for the SFs if they were watching the monitor. What the hell? It would give them something interesting to look at for a change. When they stopped, Daniel and Teal'c were both still smiling madly. Then Daniel sobered.
"Um, Jack… What's this relieving you of command of SG-1 business?"
"Well, Danny boy," he loved calling Daniel that as he knew it irritated the hell out of him, "it looks like you're going to have to break in a new team leader after all." He explained the salient points of his conversation with Hammond for all of their benefits.
"You're sure that's what you want Jack?" Daniel asked, again concerned for his friend.
"I'm sure I want Sam more than anything Daniel." Then Jack pulled him slightly to one side and said quietly. "Thanks for everything. This might never have happened if not for you."
He knew that, were it not for Daniel's intervention, both he and Sam would probably still be separate and miserable. Daniel had spurred him into action, something he would always be grateful for, and never regret. Daniel nodded his appreciation of Jack's thanks, pleased that he had played a part in making his friends so happy. They so obviously were happy. Although he was concerned about the consequences for SG-1, he knew that this could never have happened if both of his friends stayed on the team. So he was thrilled for them and their joy. The consequences could wait.
"Hey Sam, can I be a bridesmaid?" Daniel joked, prancing around the room in a poor impersonation of a woman. They all laughed.
"You'd look great in the dress, Daniel but I had something else in mind. I hope you'll agree to be my best man." He hadn't consulted Sam but knew that she would want that too. As if to confirm her approval, she squeezed Jack's arm and leaned in to kiss his neck lightly.
"Jack, I'd be honored." Daniel replied seriously, feeling genuinely honored that Jack had asked him.
"Well, let's face it, Teal'c's gold tattoo wouldn't match the outfit," Jack quipped "so who else was I gonna ask?" Daniel feigned wounded feelings at the comment.
"Then it appears that I will have to play the role of bridesmaid." Teal'c said, with a trace of a smile on his lips and his eyebrows reaching the ceiling.
"Is he joking, Sam. Can you tell? I can never tell." Jack jested in return.
The camaraderie between them felt good. It had been lacking since that night in the bar when he'd turned up with Millie. Jack was going to miss that, but they would always be his friends and that gave him some comfort. No regrets, he thought, Sam's worth giving it all up for.
He knew that the hardest part would be waiting for her to come home safely to him; dreading that she might not return one day. He would learn to live with it. If Sara could do that for him, he could do that for Sam. There were hundreds of people out there with partners, sons, or daughters in the armed forces that had that worry every day. Hell, you couldn't even walk on the street anymore without some potential danger. Life was life, and too short to waste.
Later that day, Hammond summoned Sam to his office. Apart from extending his congratulations personally, he also made her temporary leader of SG-1 pending a permanent replacement. He thought Sam was probably overdue to lead her own team, and for promotion. A Lt. Colonel as leader of his premiere team suited him fine. Certainly Dr Jackson and Teal'c would prefer Major Carter. It caused the least disruption, Sam deserved it, and Jack would be as proud as a peacock. Hammond thought it was the best solution all round.
He didn't just take O'Neill's word for Sam's abilities; he had seen her turn into a leader in front of his own eyes. She would have to learn to put the leadership first and the science second, but he believed she was already well on the way to that. He hated to lose O'Neill, but if it had to happen at all, then the time was right.
He wondered how O'Neill would react to the idea of a permanent job training recruits at the academy, and helping to select potential candidates for the SGC. Hammond felt it could be the perfect job for Jack, if he was no longer in the field. He could continue working, and still be involved with the SGC. It neatly took care of the little problem of him and Sam working in the same command. They could certainly use a man with his kind of experience; it would be a sad day when they lost all of that expertise from the Air Force. He settled down to make some calls.
Later, the members of SG-1 went out to celebrate Jack and Sam's good fortune. Afterwards, Sam went back to Jack's place and never really left. When they arrived, Jack opened a draw and took out a small box.
"Sam, close your eyes." She obeyed and he opened the box, taking out the contents and undoing the clasp of the necklace that had been within. He walked over to Sam and closed it around her neck, then led her to the nearest mirror, eyes still closed. Facing her towards it, he bent and gently kissed her delicate neck, then whispered in her ear.
"Open them, Sam."
Sam gasped when she saw the necklace he had placed around her neck, then smiled radiantly and turned towards Jack, kissing his lips lightly.
"Jack, it's beautiful!"
The necklace was a delicate, but densely linked, silver chain. Attached to it was a solid outer circle and, fixed within, a large diamond. It was connected in the middle of the circle by some fine bars of silver that looked a little like the rays of the sun.
When she looked closely at the circle, she realised it had glyphs around the outside of it; they were Earth's co-ordinates. It was elegant, simple, probably expensive, and had obviously been custom made. He could only have got it for her and she wondered how long it had been sitting in his draw, waiting for the opportunity to be placed around her neck.
"Think of it as an engagement gift. In lieu of a ring… for now." He looked a little embarrassed, shifting uncomfortably on his feet, looking for all the world like a bashful child.
"Jack, it's stunning. Had it long?" She grinned at him cheekily and Jack blushed.
"I…um…I. Oh hell! I've got it made a couple of years ago." He replied, looking even more uncomfortable. "I was waiting for the opportunity, I guess." He shrugged shyly, then grinned lopsidedly.
Sam thought she had never loved him more, or seen him look so handsome.
"Took your time then." She moved closer to him. Encircling her arms around his tall, lean frame and nuzzling into his neck. Jack returned the compliment, enclosing her within his arms.
"The time is right."
And he was correct in that. The time was right; the time was right now.
************
Epilogue:
A few days later, he took Cassie engagement ring shopping with him. Then he and Sam went for a candlelit dinner and he proposed all over again. He said he wanted to do it right this time, and even got down on bended knee in the restaurant, which had them both in fits of hysterical laughter, rather spoiling the romantic mood he had been trying to create.
A couple of months later, Jack and Sam were married in a small, low key ceremony. Daniel carried out his duties as best man to perfection. Jacob was unable to come to the wedding because of yet another crises with the Tok'ra. Although the obvious choice to give her away might have been General Hammond, Sam chose Teal'c, and he was sincerely thrilled and honored. They had one hell of a job finding a suitable hat for Teal'c, to conceal the gold emblem on his forehead.
Secretly, Hammond was pleased as it gave Teal'c so much pleasure. He had a lot of time for Teal'c, respecting him immensely. Jacob was disappointed, if not a little angry, about not to be able to be there to give his daughter away, but he thought Teal'c a fitting choice. However, the irony was not lost on him that his daughter, who had once been blended with a Tok'ra, and whose father was one, was given away by the ex-first Prime of Apophis, one of the Tok'ra's greatest enemies.
Sam got her silver oak leaves and became the permanent leader of SG-1. As anticipated, Jack always worried when she was on a mission. He hated not to be there but learned to accept it, eventually; he never got used to it though. A small part of his heart was forever with the SGC and SG-1, and it pulled at him sometimes. He would tell Sam how he felt about it; no hiding, or recriminations. He always considered that she had been worth that sacrifice.
When Sam ultimately got her star, Jack was delighted. He was so proud of her, and teased that at least one member of the O'Neill family had managed a promotion to General. She was respected by her staff and never got to be known as either the old witch or dragon, something that satisfied her immensely.
Jack revelled in his new role at the academy; it wasn't out in the field, but it was the closest thing he was ever going to get. He still had access to the SGC and, as well as training recruits at the academy, participated in testing those young officers selected to try out for the Stargate programme.
His access to the SGC meant that Sam never had to hide anything from him about her work and that was a great comfort. Of course, in later years, when Sam herself was no longer there, she had secrets she could never share with him. Of all people, Jack understood that, but it saddened him, nonetheless.
The marriage wasn't perfect, what marriage is? There is no happily ever after. They had their share of ups and downs, and blazing rows. Both of them could spark at each other like a couple of roman candles. They vowed never to leave one and other in the morning with unresolved angry words between them. Sam's job was too risky to want to leave either of them with life long regrets; Jack had enough of those to contend with. The best part was when they made up, creating sparks of a totally different nature.
Jack and Sam had three children. Jack became a part-time house husband and adored them all, enjoying every minute of the time he was able to give them.
John, the eldest, was a bit of a handful when he was a kid, with trouble at school and the like; never anything too serious, but still worrisome. He bucked up his ideas, though, following his father and mother's footsteps into the US Air Force, and became quite the unsung hero, just like his old man. Jack never saw his own son become the second O'Neill to get a star; in fact, he got two stars. John knew that the old man would have been proud of him.
The middle one, Janet, went on to become a doctor, like her namesake. Sam found that gratifying and knew Janet would have been thrilled. Janet was always the little goody, goody. If truth were told, it was just that her mother and father never found out about most of the things she got up to behind their backs. She was too subtle and careful to get caught doing anything dumb, putting her two brothers to shame; sometimes deliberately so.
George, the youngest, and named for General Hammond, was the real tearaway of the family; just like his father could have been if he hadn't been forced to rethink his life and join the Air Force. George was constantly in trouble with the police and it caused Jack and Sam a lot of heart ache. They were both bitterly disappointed and upset when he ended up in court, sentenced to jail time for joy riding in someone's automobile. They feared for his future prospects, and that he would go onto a life of crime.
In jail, George learned about art, having been totally uninspired at school, and found the one thing he wanted to do. When he came out, his mother and father supported his artistic ambitions as much as possible, while he took a long series of dead end jobs to make ends meet. Eventually, and to the surprise of everyone, he started selling his work, making money from it, which turned into big bucks. In the end, he became quite collectable.
When the Stargate became public knowledge, at last, Jack became a national hero and, ultimately, part of folk lore. He would grumble about the hassle of it but Sam knew that, deep in his heart, he felt flattered and honored that his role in saving the world so many times should spark public interest so keenly.
He died peacefully in his eighties. Although she had always known that, left to nature, he was likely to go before her, Sam was still largely unprepared for it, and devastated. Time might heal all wounds, but Sam loved and missed him to her dying day.
<The End>
Constructive criticism appreciated.